


I Guess This is Growing Up

by CommanderLexaTrash, The_Stuttering_Kiwi



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fantasy, Growing Up, Light Smut, Marvel Norse Lore, Mythology - Freeform, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Smut, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 39,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5089169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderLexaTrash/pseuds/CommanderLexaTrash, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Stuttering_Kiwi/pseuds/The_Stuttering_Kiwi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Odin brings back another child  to Asgard, things develop into something no one could have ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which We are Introduced.

**Author's Note:**

> Sigrun is about 4 when we are starting out, and Thor and Loki are 8 and 7.

"The nurses say Sigrun would be safe around the other children." Odin said calmly between bites of food.

"Oh?" Was Frigga's only reply. She glanced over to her two boys, who between their own bites of food, flung the uneaten bits across the table at each other.

Maybe a girl would be nice.

"Frigga?"

"If the nurses are sure she would be okay then by all means you should have her brought to the palace nursery." She tried not to sound bitter, but the idea of her husband's other child playing and growing up with Thor and Loki made her stomach churn slightly.

"Loki!" Her sudden stern voice made the smaller boy drop the chicken leg he was about to lob over the table.

"Sorry mama." He replied sweetly and picked up his fork spearing one green bean at a time.

Why should she feel any different towards the little girl than she did toward Loki? Loki wasn't hers either, but she had grown to love him as much as she loved Thor. Thor the burly, blonde boy who was winding up to fling a spoonful of mashed something at his brother.

"Thor! Don't you- " Too late, the mashed whatever it was hit Loki directly in the face, the splatter getting on Frigga's dress.

"Rooms. Now." Was all she said.

Odin watched as his boys marched from the dining hall.

"So?" He asked again.

"We can go see her tomorrow." Frigga stood stiffy, and made the excuse to go change.

She maybe she could love this girl as much as she loved Loki.

But then again…even though he wasn't hers, he wasn't Odin's either.

A small girl hid behind the nurses skirts. Her large blue eye's stared unblinkingly at Odin, who could have stepped on her if he wasn't looking.

"This is the King and Queen," The nurse told the little girl, "And you, you lucky girl, will be going to live up in the palace with them!"

Frigga caught the small shake of the girl's head, her muddy brown hair falling in front of her face, and the whiteness of her knuckles as she tightened her grip on the skirts hiding her.

"Come now little Sigrun." Frigga said sweetly, kneeling down. "You'll have two brothers to play with, so you will always have friends. And myself and Odin," She gestured to Odin, who hadn't taken his eyes off the girl since he entered the room, "We will be your mother and father. Wouldn't that be nice?" She offered the girl a motherly smile and noticed the grip the girl had on her nurse slacken slightly.

"What about my things?" Sigrun asked in a small soft voice.

"They will be brought up to the palace." Odin replied, his voice shaking slightly.

"Okay." The girl seemed to be considering her options.

Frigga offered a hand, torn between hoping the girl would take it and hoping she wouldn't. But when a little warm hand pressed into hers, she melted a bit.

"Good." She smiled.

"I'll have two brothers?" Sigrun asked.

"Yes, Thor and Loki. They will be so excited to meet you."

"I think I've always wanted brothers." Little Sigrun smiled, and Frigga thought that it might not be so hard to love her, after all.

"Urgh, who wants a sister!?" Thor groaned.

"It might be fun." Loki countered.

"But you just can't play with them. They are girls. They don't play rough, where is the fun?"

Loki didn't have an answer, but still thought Thor was overreacting a little bit. Sure he liked to play as much as the next kid, but he was never up to Thor's level, and a sister might be a nice medium.

"I'm not too worried about it." He said finally.

"Hmph." Thor darted forward and jabbed a stuffed dummy with his wooden sword. Loki thought he was deep in thought as he smashed his sword against the fabric, which began to tear and the stuffing oozed out.

Breathing heavily, he turned to Loki, "Your turn."

Loki groaned and picked up the sword, not exactly wanting to practice because of the way Thor picked apart his form, as though he was a master swordsman.

"No, no, no you are standing all wrong. Here let me show you." Thor started forward.

Already annoyed, Loki tossed the wooden sword to the floor.

"This is stupid, smaller knives are better. I'm no good with these." He lamented, giving the sword a kick.

Thor merely shrugged.

"Come on boys, time to go meet your sister." Frigga's voice called from the doorway. And Thor gave another exasperated groan and dragged his feet to where his mother stood while Loki couldn't get away from the practice dummy fast enough.

"I need to go to my room first." He told Frigga.

"This is Sigrun, your new sister." Frigga introduced the small girl who sat completely still on her bed. She felt Loki peer out behind her, surprised at his shyness. Thor, bold as anything stepped forward.

"I'm your brother Thor." He said rather loudly because poor little Sigrun jumped.

Sigrun's blue eyes found Loki's green, "Hi." She said meekly.

Loki took a deep breath and stepped out from behind his mother.

"Hi…I'm L…Loki." He stammered. Frigga stared at him wondering where the stuttering had come from.

"I brought this for you." He said more clearly and held out a small book for Sigrun to take.

"Mother, I'm bored, Fandral wanted to go down to the lake, can I go?" Thor asked, already heading to the door before she could even answer him.

"Fine."

Sigrun had taken the book from Loki, murmured thanks and flipped through the pages.

"It's a book of Asgardian stories. I thought you would like it." He was explaining to her.

"You two will be okay? Loki, you can show her where the feast hall is when it is time for dinner." Frigga herself walking to the door and thought she heard Loki reply before the two were left in deep conversation.

Well, a deep conversation for children.


	2. In Which a Story Is Told

Things feel into place easy with Sigrun as a sister.

Thor quickly got over his objections of having her around and played very much the same with her as he did with Loki or the other children, maybe just a bit more gentle, she was just a girl after all, he reminded himself.

They were currently playing "Kill the Frost Giant."

"Why am I always stuck being the bad guy?" Loki asked, after having Sigrun help him up. This had been a particularly hard hit from Thor.

"Because Sigrun is too small, she might get hurt." Thor replied matter-of-factly.

"I'd be all right." She protested.

"Then what about the others? Fandral would be a perfect Frost Giant or even Volstagg, he's giant enough."

"You're faster than us and harder to catch." Thor said with a shrug.

"Yeah! It makes it more fun." Fandral said, finally catching up, breathless.

Loki grumbled something in response, whatever it was Thor didn't catch it but it made Sigrun giggle.

Whatever.

"Alright, let's have another round its almost time for dinner!" Volstagg said happily, always at the thought of food.

"Ready Loki? Let's go!" Thor yelled.

"What did you all do today, you are filthy." Frigga eyed her three children as they marched into the feasting hall and took their places at the table. All of them streaked with dirt and had the occasional black and blue mark.

"Just playing." They said in unison, helping themselves to the heaping bowls and platters of food.

Frigga clicked her tongue.

"Oh, let them alone. It's good for them." Odin said from the end of the long table.

"Fine for the boys maybe, but it's not very lady-like for Sigrun."

"But I like playing with them!" It was hard to understand Sigrun when her mouth was full of food.

"Yeah, and she's really good at it!" Thor chimed in, also with a mouth full of food.

"I would appreciate it if you would both chew your food, and don't speak with your mouths full." Frigga said sternly, but had to keep a straight face as the two of them struggled to swallow the half-chewed meat.

"Loki you're awful quiet."

"He doesn't like being the Frost Giant, in the game."

Frigga saw Odin stiffen out of the corner of her eye.

"Maybe you can switch it up from time to time?"

"Sigrun and I both said that today but Thor and the others won't listen." Loki said, eyes on his plate, stabbing at a brussel sprout that wouldn't stay still.

"Fine, if it's that important to you next time you won't be the Frost Giant." Thor sighed.

"Good."

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence with the occasional small talk, and by the end Thor, Loki, and Sigrun were stifling yawns, and rubbing red eyes.

"Why don't the three of you go wash up and get ready for bed." Frigga suggested.

"Will you tell us a story tonight, mother?" Loki asked hopefully.

"We are in my room tonight, then." Thor said.

"No, we were in your room last time when she told us the story about the frost giants, and before that we were in Loki's room when we heard about the Dark Elves, it's my turn now." Sigrun said.

"Fine." Thor said again.

"Get going you three."

Then the sounds of their feet left the hall Odin let out a deep sigh.

"Kill the Frost Giant huh?"

Later, skin still pink from scrubbing and hot water and dressed in fresh pajamas, Sigrun settled under the covers of her bed, Loki sat beside her, back against the wall, and Thor sat cross-legged on the foot of the soft mattress.

"Get off, you are crushing my feet."

"Sorry."

Frigga brought the chair from Sigruns desk over to the side of the bed.

"Remember when I told you all about the creation of the universe and the nine realms and about the first world of Muspellheim?" Frigga began and paused dramatically while Sigrun and her brothers nodded furiously.

"Muspellheim is a world of fire, lava, and smoke, quite the opposite of Jotunheim. But the giants and demons there were quite the same, bloodthirsty, craving to destroy the surrounding worlds. Humans on Midgard believe they are the cause of their mountains of fire to erupt, destroying villages, killing thousands. The leader of these giants, and to the people of Earth, Demons, was Surtur. He led his forces with an enormous sword made of flames…"

Sigrun tremebled and scooted closer to Loki, and tucked her feet back under Thor's legs as if he could protect them. She listened to how these fire giants invaded Earth and how once again, Asgard succeeded in protecting Midgard once again, and how some humans still believed there to be fire demons locked inside Midgard, still causing catastrophes. Frigga ended her story saying that Surtur was supposed to be the last player to enter the battle of Ragnarok, the apocalypse.

"Fire demons aren't real are they? They still don't exist?" Sigrun asked pulling her covers up to her chin, but Thor's heavy body made the covers impossible to move.

"Its only a story." Loki said reassuringly.

"And even if they were still around, father would take care of them, and when I'm older, I will cut them down where they stand!" Thor leapt from the bed suddenly, flailing his arms with an invisible sword in his hand.

"And even if they did exist, you are safe here." Frigga stroked her hair.

Sigrun felt better, but still not totally confident.

"Come on boys, to your rooms."

"Do they have to go?" She hated that her voice trembled when she asked.

"I could stay." Loki said, already heading to the trunk at the foot of the bed that held spare pillows and blankets. "I'll sleep on the floor, I don't mind."

Frigga smiled and bent to plant a kiss on Loki's head, "She is lucky to have you as a brother."

"Goodnight Sigrun! Night Loki!" Thor called as he bounded from the room, a booming sound told them he had reached his room.

After helping Loki set up a makeshift bed on the floor, Frigga said good night to Sigrun and quietly closed the door behind her.

Sigrun moved her blankets around her so not an inch of skin showed. Loki's quiet steady breathing told her he had already fallen asleep, and soon so was she.

Sigrun woke up screaming.

It had been a horrible dream, Asgard was in ruins, she had been running the halls away from something, it was incredibly hot and woke up when, in her dream, she had tripped over Odin's dead body.

"Sigrun, are you okay?" Loki's sleepy voice came from the floor.

"Yeah…I think so." She replied shakily.

"Here." He reached up and grasped her hand under the covers, and Sigrun felt comforted at once.

"Thanks."

"No problem." His voice was muffled, and quickly fell back to sleep.

With his hand still in hers, Sigrun followed him into a, thankfully, dreamless sleep.


	3. In Which We Spend a Day Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point Sigrun is 9 when Thor and Loki are 12 and 13

Sigrun's feet pounded on the stone walkway sending tingling vibrations up her legs, causing more tears to leak from her eyes.

"Thor and Loki are of age now." Odin explained, "It is time for them to train to become the next warriors of Asgard."

Thor puffed out his chest proudly while Loki looked sadly at her.

"And what about me?" She asked

"You have quite some time until you are able to train." Frigga answered.

"But I could learn magic from you! Learning magic isn't the same as training with swords."

"I'm sorry Sigrun." Frigga said with finality.

Sigrun wiped angrily at the tears that were now flowing, gasping as her bare feet left the smooth walkway and hit the sharp gravel of a narrow pathway.

"You don't have that long to catch up." Thor said, bounding down the steps, Sigrun and Loki lagging behind.

"He's right you know." Loki agreed.

"Only a few more birthdays." She grumbled. "What am I even supposed to do all day, every day, by myself?"

Thor wasn't listening anymore and jumped the last three steps and ran to his group of friends.

"You will find things to do."

"Not anything that will be fun with one person."

"Loki come on!" Thor called from the throng of young Asgardians that had gathered.

Loki gave Sigrun a face and shrug that quite plainly said I don't know what to tell you, and went to join the others.

Birds flew overhead, startled as she picked up speed through the woods. Once her skin felt the soft sand of the beach she stopped, sun glinted off of the bright blue water, causing her to squint. The quiet sounds of nature and rolling waves filled her ears, and she wondered why she had come here.

This was their spot, hers, Thors, and Loki's. Sometimes Fandral and Volstagg would join, but then the rough housing would get to be too much and she would have to leave the water and sit on the beach. Which she thought, wasn't so bad because Loki would always sit with her.

But now she was alone, and their spot was completely silent. She would have given anything for her brothers to be here, even Fandral or Volstagg would be better than nothing. Sigrun walked to the water's edge and let the cool waves lap over her feet causing goose bumps to cover her body. She tiptoed in the water slowly getting used to the cold water as she went, a small part of her was glad there was no one here to splash or drag her in, and once she was in past her belly button she held her breath and dove.

What was so special about coming of age anyway? All it meant was all your time was taken up with mock sword fights and magic tricks, and not being able to explore and have fun. Although, Sigrun wondered as she bent to pick up a shining shell under the surf that could just be the jealousy talking. She was only a few hours into being separated from Thor and Loki but she missed them so much it felt like a constant stomach ache, like the kind from eating too much chocolate cake too quickly. She was also pretty positive that they weren't missing her at all, Thor would be absorbed in learning battle strategies and Loki would be throwing himself into learning tactical magic that she wouldn't even be missed, not even a little bit.

Her stomach grumbled and she knew it was time for lunch, but she couldn't bring herself to go back to the palace, not yet, she really didn't want to eat alone with her parents because she knew her depression would annoy Odin and Frigga would try her hardest to be uplifting and Sigrun just didn't have the patience for any of it. Ignoring her rumbling stomach, and the negativity gnawing inside her brain, she trudged up the beach looking for more shimmering shells.

It was late by the time Sigrun marched herself back to the castle, she was tired, starving, and the tips of her fingers were wrinkled. As she walked to the door way of the feasting hall she heard Thor boasting about his day, while Loki talked about the pros of close handed combat.

"Where have you been? We've been worried!" Frigga jumped up from her seat next to Odin and grabbed Sigrun by the shoulders and steered her to her spot next to Loki.

"Swimming." She answered shortly.

"By yourself?"

"I'm old enough to do things by myself." Sigrun said loudly, "It's not like I had much of a choice anyway."

"Father did you know there was a girl in our group?" Thor asked loudly.

"Lady Sif is more than a match for you boys." Odin replied.

"But she's a girl."

"She is the daughter of one of my finest generals you will look after her." Odin commanded firmly.

"But…"

"You okay?" Loki nudged Sigrun with her elbow as she pushed food around on her plate, ignoring Thor and Odins continued bickering.

"Yeah," she stood, "may I be excused?"

"You just got here and you haven't eaten." Frigga said, torn between trying to get Sigrun to stay and breaking up the argument at the head of the table.

"Not hungry." She cursed her stomach for picking that moment to roar like a wild animal, and left the hall quickly before anyone heard or could stop her.

"Sigrun? Can I come in?" Loki's voice was muffled outside of the thick wooden door of her bedroom, where Sigrun laid on her bed sobbing into her pillow. She was starving and sad and was very close to telling Loki to leave her alone. But she was tired of being alone.

"Yeah." She called sniffing; her stomach lurched when she smelled fruit and pastry.

"I thought you were hungry." Loki held out a tray of fruits and cakes.

"A bit." She gave him a watery smiled and grabbed a small bite sized pie as he sat down.

"You know I really would rather hang out with you right?" He said, setting the tray down on the bed next to him.

"You wouldn't rather be learning magic and stuff?"

"It is fun, but really, I wouldn't be so upset about missing out if I were you."

"It's not that I am missing out, I hate being alone like even Thor is better than no one."

"Geez, you must be lonely."

"You have no idea."

Loki sighed heavily, "I want to show you something, but Mother just showed me today so I don't know how good it will be."

"Oh?" Sigrun cocked an eyebrow.

"Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Just close them."

She obeyed, and felt Loki move his hand briefly.

"Okay, open them."

Sigrun blinked a few times to get her eyes to focus, and then felt her mouth drop open. Her room was filled with small, orange and black butterflies.

"I thought you were learning tactical magic?" She asked quietly, following the fluttering wings.

"I am, I'm going to be, but just to get the feel of it Mother wants to start off easy."

"These are from that Migardian book right? The Monarch butterfly? I love those; the pictures don't do them justice."

"They are much better than before, they were awfully blurry."

They sat in silence for a long while; Sigrun laid her head on his shoulder, "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Making me feel better."

"Any time."

A knock came from the door and before Sigrun could answer Frigga pushed the door open.

"Your Father and I have decided that you can begin to learn magic tomorrow, with Loki. It's not fair for you to be left behind."

"Really?" Sigrun and Loki both asked excitedly.

"Yes, Thor made a convincing argument that if a girl can train with swords, you being underage can learn "Stupid magic"." Frigga said smiling.


	4. In Which We Struggle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigrun is 15. Thor and Loki are 19 and 18.

Sigrun tried to blink back tears of frustration. She was incredibly aggravated with herself, and Loki was getting on her nerves.

"You just have to focus." He kept encouraging, so much so that the words had lost their meaning.

"I know that." She snapped back. Her head was pounding, and she felt sweat flowing down her back in a steady stream.

She had been practicing magic for almost two years now, and in those two years she had just now barely mastered the basic spells and illusions. Loki had stuck by her as a tutor; taking away any extra time would have had for himself.

"Sorry." She grumbled, glancing over at him.

"You'll get the hang of it."

"Do you have any idea how many times you've said that today?" Sigrun asked throwing herself into one of the armchairs they pushed against the wall of her room.

"I'd say about a thousand." Loki replied smiling, sitting down next to her.

"I think you are saying that more to comfort yourself than me at this point."

"Listen, we had this same conversation when you couldn't conjure those butterflies remember? And you got there, it just takes time."

"Yeah and my butterflies were barely visible, and you got the hang of it in what? A couple hours? I mean come on, everyone else got it in a couple days, it took me months, Loki, months." She sounded out the word for emphasis. "I am pretty much a dud, Frigga and Odin should just put me back where they found me."

"And leave me here with Thor?" He grasped his chest in mock horror, "God, Sigrun, don't even joke about that."

Sigrun had to laugh, she laid her head back and closed her eyes, trying to will her headache to disappear. She felt Loki settle into the chair next to her with a sigh. She peeked through her eyelashes and glanced over at him. He had lost his round boyish face a year or so ago, but she didn't really remember when, only that one day she realized he had grown a foot overnight, and had become incredibly good looking. She wondered if it had been around the time she realized her boobs began to grow in earnest and out of no where she had hips and curves, but that could have just been a coincidence.

His arm brushed hers as he shifted to get comfortable, and her heart sped up and she felt her skin tingle. Her stomach flipped flopped, how she could feel that way about him. He was practically her brother, raised to be siblings, and he was her best friend.

And here she was a dud and a freak!

"What are you thinking about?" His sudden voice made her jump a little.

"What makes you think I am thinking about anything at all?"

"Because the tension around you is astounding. Did I really make you that mad today?"

"No, I am just really frustrated."

"You'll-"

"Finish that sentence and I will slap the optimism out of you."

Loki let out a burst of laughter that made her heart flutter.

"Are you two ready for the tournament tomorrow?" Odin asked hours later as they all sat down for dinner.

Thor, with his mouth full of food, gurgled something that sounded like "Yes."

"As ready as I can be." Loki speared a fried piece of potato on the end of his fork and stuck it in his mouth. As ready as one can be knowing Thor will win anyway, he thought bitterly.

"What is the point of having everyone do this tournament anyway?" Sigrun asked, "Shouldn't it just be Loki and Thor since they are Princes?"

"The best warrior of Asgard will manage its armies, Prince or not." Odin said proudly.

"So, no late night magic lessons, I want my brother in top shape tomorrow!" Thor said after a big swallow of food.

Loki glared and Thor, but a sharp pain in his shin made him glance at Sigrun, who rolled her eyes dramatically. He forced a grin.

"Are you really worried about tomorrow?" Sigrun flopped, belly first on Loki's bed after they had finished dessert.

"Worried or prematurely disappointed?"

"Please, you have just a good a chance as any of them."

"Hmph."

Loki sat in his desk chair and spun around, trying to visualize all the moves, and magic he could use tomorrow. But his eyes kept falling down to where Sigrun lay, kicking her legs as she flipped through a book on Greek mythology he had left on his bed. Her skirts had fallen down to the backs of her knees, and his eye's followed the curve of her body from head to toe. His heart started to speed up. He spun back around to face the wall, shaking his head. What was he even thinking?

"Well, I'm going to bed. You should too!"

"Yeah, Ill dothat." Loki replied without turning around and didn't move for a while after the door clicked shut.

"Hey, move over." Sigrun whispered.

"What are you talking about." Loki's voice was sleepy, and he didn't open his eyes.

"Move over!" She repeated, pushing him to the other side of the bed.

"Aren't you a little old for coming in here after a bad dream?"

"Shut up."

Sigrun settled in under the covers, shivering slightly, she really should have put on socks. She put her cold feet on Loki's legs to try to warm them up, but he was his usually chilly temperature.

A couple minutes passed in silence, Sigrun thought Loki had fallen back to sleep.

"So what's wrong?"

Sigrun chewed her lip, "I am a selfish shit."

"What?"

"I am a selfish shit. I knew you had this tournament coming up for months and instead of you training for it like you should have…like I should have let you…you tried to help me with my magic. And it's not like I am even making any progress. If I was it wouldn't be like you were totally wasting your time. And if you lose tomorrow it's going to be all my fault." She was close to tears by the time she finished babbling. She expected Loki to realize she was right and kick her out of his room, but after a while he just sighed and scooted closer to her.

"You are not a selfish shit. I would spend all the time I had helping you, I'd much rather be doing that than training. And I think we all know Thor is going to win, this is just to make it look like it's a fair fight."

"I'm still sorry."

"Don't be."

"Can I still sleep here or am I too old for that?" She joked.

"Yeah, just don't hog the covers."

"Please, I don't hog covers."

"You always hog the covers."

"You lie."

"Mhm."

Eventually, Loki's soft snores lulled Sigrun into a slightly less guilt-ridden sleep.


	5. When Two Are One

"So what happens now?"Sigrun asked Frigga. The tournament had been going on for a several hours now, and Loki and Thor were the last two standing.

"Now, the others that lost will be split up between the two of them, to see who has the best skill at leading." Frigga answered simply.

Sigrun bit down on her lip to keep from groaning. She looked down into the arena where Loki and Thor stood, Odin began calling out names at random, assigning soldiers to each prince.

While in theory this was a good idea, Sigrun hoped that the others would be fair, that if Loki was indeed a better leader they would listen, not make him fail because they would rather follow Thor.

"He looks nervous." She nodded down to Loki.

"As long as he keeps his head he will be alright."

Loki glanced up to where she sat and caught her eye; she tried to give him reassuring smile, but was fairly certain it came out as a painful grimace.

As Odin called the last name, Sigrun's stomach seemed to turn in on itself as she realized that the four of Thor's closest friends were teamed with Loki.

"Random huh?" She muttered to herself. She watched as Loki began giving orders to his soldiers. When they broke their huddle, she noticed the glances between Sif, Volstag, Frandral, and Hogun, and was sure they were not going to follow his plan.

Sure enough as the mock battle began, they dropped like flies, and Loki's yells floated up to where Sigrun and his parents sat.

"What the hell are you doing?" He roared at Fandral, who was rather dramatic when he was taken out of play. Within minutes, Loki was the only one still standing when Thor still had his whole team behind him.

Odin stood, "I think we all know who won this tournament!" He bellowed to the crowd. Cheers erupted and Thor was swallowed by his friends and troops that he now officially commanded. Sigrun remained in her seat, mouth still hanging open, she didn't realize she was the only one sitting in the royal booth.

She craned her neck to try and see where Loki went, but he was nowhere in the arena and jumped out of her chair to find him.

He wasn't in his room, or the library, or their super secret spot in the garden, it was getting dark now and she didn't really want to walk to their swimming spot, Thor laughed at her, but the woods were creepy at night. Sigrun stood at the beginning of the gravel path and rubbed her arms where goosebumps had begun to spread.

Come on now! She said to herself. Pull yourself together, there's nothing in these woods.

*CRACK* A limb somewhere deep in the darkening trees broke.

Are you serious right now?

Deciding that maybe she should just close her eyes and run for the beach, she grabbed her skirts so she wouldn't trip on them and broke into a run.

Once her feet touched the soft sand she stopped and opened her eyes. The sky was a dark blue now, and the lights from the palace and city lit the water with a bright yellow gleam and made Loki's shadow more pronounced.

Still trying to catch her breath, Sigrun moved to where Loki sat in the surf, the waves crashing over his long legs, sitting down close to him she placed her hands in her lap so her skirts wouldn't float up.

"Some place to sit." Sigrun said.

"The tide came in bit ago, I didn't feel like moving." Loki said simply.

"Oh."

Several minutes passed in silence. Sigrun wondered how long they had actually sat there because the city was getting darker and darker; Sigrun was letting the warm water, and the lull of the waves put her to sleep.

"Are you going to stay out here all night?" Loki asked.

"Are you?"

"I really don't want to go home right now."

"Then yes, I'm going to stay out here all night."

Loki scoffed at her but didn't say anything. After a minute, he stood up and offered her a hand.

"What? If you're staying out here all night, I will too."

"Fine, but I think we should move out of the water, I don't think drowning is the best idea."

When they settled down on dry sand, Loki used his magic to dry their clothes.

"Thanks."

The last few homes in the city still had light, and the palace was only now beginning to darken.

"Are you okay?" Sigrun asked.

"I could be worse." Loki replied slowly.

"Okay…good."

It was late morning by the time they woke up and trudged back to the palace.

"Where have you two been?" Frigga was waiting for them in the dining hall.

"Went to bed late, up early." Loki answered, spooning some eggs onto two plates and handing one to Sigrun.

"Hmmm, I was under the impression that neither of you made it to your bedrooms last night, the beds are still made."

"We made them when we got up this morning." Sigrun said between bites of egg.

"Made them yourselves?"

"Yeah, we are capable."

"And where were you two off to so early."

"Swimming."

"Swimming?"

"Yeah."

Loki and Sigrun kept their eyes on their plates while Frigga's eyes bounced between both of their faces. Apparently convinced she wasn't going to get anywhere with either of them she turned on her heel and left.

Sigrun dropped her fork anxiously, but before she could say a work Loki interrupted her.

"Its fine, it's not like we totally lied, I mean, we were at the beach."

Full from breakfast they walked together to their rooms to change. Before Sigrun could turn the knob on her door, Loki hugged her hard.

"Um, what's this for?" She asked awkwardly into his chest.

"You walked through those woods last night."

"Well, actually, I ran with my eyes closed, making weird squealing noises. You didn't hear that?"

He let out a burst of laughter that made Sigrun's teeth clatter together.

"Unfortunately, I was too self-absorbed at the time, but I'm sure it was funny."

"It was."

Sigrun thought she felt his lips brush her hair for the briefest of seconds but was pretty sure she imaged it, her heart sped up anyway.

"Alright, let's go get changed and take a nap, that beach wasn't very comfortable." He said releasing her.

"That sounds beautiful." She laughed looking up at him. Then a thought assaulted her brain.

Sigrun had an overwhelming urge to kiss him.

"See you later." She said hurriedly and rushed into her room before she did something stupid.

She leaned against the thick wooden door chewing her lip, not realizing Loki was doing the same down the hall.


	6. To Die For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigrun is 17 here, while Thor and Loki are 21 and 20.

**But she's too caught up in moves**

**And the moonlight plays so soft on her skin**

**And she's singing, he's sinking-it's the sweetest sin**

**Oh the state that she has got him in**

**But she, she's too**

**Caught up in moves to even notice you**

**And she's singing, she's swinging her hips**

**He keeps saying and praying**

**That one day he will know her lips**

**She is dressed to kill**

**And he is to die for**

**She knows he would kill**

**Just to hold her on the dance floor**

**So do we dare to take this dance**

**Coz I'm willing to take the chance**

**And tonight could be the night baby**

**Just take my hand I swear we'll make it right**

_**Tonight Alive - To Die For** _

* * *

"Come on everyone! This is our last training session before the battle tomorrow!" Thor yelled for the hundredth time that day.

Loki groaned, now that their generation of soldiers were of age, they were ready to actually go to actual war.

"Whats the point? If we suck Father will just send in the real warriors." He said twirling his dagger in his hand.

"The point is, brother, is we are the next generation of our realm. We need to show them we are capable."

Loki scoffed at the idea and caught sight of Lady Sif hanging on Thor's every word like he was already King, a smirk crossed his face.

"Hey, Sif! Who are you going with to the ball tonight?" He called across the field, his grin widening when he saw her blush fiercely. A braver man than he would have cowered, as she marched over to him, spear in hand.

"Shut it, Odinson." She spat, bumping him as hard as she could with his shoulder, he just laughed it off and continued.

"Has the mighty Thor not asked you yet? It's a shame that he only see's you as one of the boys."

Sif, however, didn't miss a beat, "And what of you? Did you ask Sigrun yet? Or are you too afraid that she would be grossed out that someone who is practically her  _brother_ would ask her out."

"Please, we aren't related."

"Doesn't matter, while you are taunting me for being invisible to Thor, you are just as invisible. And maybe your relationship to her doesn't matter, maybe she just takes you as a coward as the rest of us do."

Confident that she knocked Loki of his high horse, she turned on her heel and followed the others into the changing room.

Loki was left stunned. It wasn't often that someone left him speechless, he usually cut people down the quick. But then again…what Sif said wasn't exactly wrong. Tonight was the ball before they send out kids to see how they handle war, he could be dead by this time tomorrow, and God's he was a coward.

What if Sigrun was completely repulsed by the idea that he had feelings for her? He had an inkling that she liked him too, but he wasn't sure. Other than, near kisses, that he could have made up in his own head, there had been no real sign.

_Lying to yourself huh?_

Maybe if there was a way he could know for sure, but how?

That's when the idea struck.

* * *

"Hey Sif, would you wanna go to the ball with me?" Loki caught her leaving the changing room behind everyone else.

"Excuse me?" She stared at him wide-eyed.

"No listen, if we go together, maybe you can get Thor to see that you are a girl and maybe I can see if Sigrun gets jealous."

"Listen, no offense and all, but I literally can't stand you."

Loki laughed, "Okay but come on, what other way to get Thor going than to have him see you there with me."

Sif considered his proposal carefully, "Fine, but we have to cover some ground rules."

"Perfect."

* * *

Sigrun couldn't decide if she wanted to have her hair up or down. Stud earrings or dangly. No necklace or something large and vibrant. She was grateful when she heard a knock on her door.

"Yeah?" She called.

"Just wanted to see if you were getting ready." Loki peeked his head in through the door.

"Not quite."

"I can see that, should I go and get mother? She is usually better at these things than I am."

"Eventually I will have to dress myself." Sigrun said sighing. And finally decided on her long muddy brown hair being down, stud earings, and a simple necklace. She stood up and smoothed her dress, emerald lace, long and flowing, with sleeves that hit right above the elbow.

"Well, this is as good as it's going to get." She declared, she caught sight of Loki looking at her strangely in the mirror.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Are we going down together?"

"Uhh, I actually thought I'd meet you down there."

Sigrun looked at him, for a moment, they usually went to these things together.

"Okay, then." She said and went to the door, "See you." And left Loki sitting on her bed.

* * *

Sigrun pushed her way through a crowd of people to get to Thor.

"Have you seen Loki?" She asked over the loud music and laughter.

"Not yet!" He boomed back, then chugged a mug of ale.

Sigrun frowned, she and Loki made a deal never to leave one another at these awful parties. Where the hell was he?

"Dance with me!" Thor said, grabbing her arm and leading her out amongst the many couples already dancing.

"Thor, come on, you know I don't dance." Sigrun protested.

"Oh lighten up, little sister."

She was starting to get dizzy as Thor twirled her around the room.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" She asked.

"Nope! We've been training our whole lives for this!"

"You know it's not going to be like training and simulations, right?"

"Worrying again?"

"A little."

"It will be fine! Oh and look who just showed up, let's go over and see what cause this abomination!" Thor said happily and continued to twirl Sigrun where Loki stood, arm wrapped around Lady Sif.

Sif was absolutely gorgeous, her burgundy dress pushed her boobs up and together, Sigrun was pretty sure her own tits were ashamed behind the green lace.

Loki on the other hand, was decked out in his usual green and gold, and almost made Sigrun's heart stop. Of course, he would have gone with Sif, and he was the envy of every other guy in the room.

If you didn't count Thor, who didn't seem to care one way or another.

"Quite a catch you got!" Thor boomed punching Loki playfully in the arm.

Sif just beamed up at Loki, draping herself over him. Sigrun thought she could feel her lunch rising up into her throat.

"You look pretty Sigrun!" She said.

"Thanks, so do you." She mumbled back, thinking about all the ways she could ruin Sif's dress.

"If Volstagg hadn't pointed this out to me, I wouldn't have believed it!" Frandral sauntered over, once again punching Loki playfully in the arm.

What was it with this punching?

The four of them began talking about their excitement for the next day while Sigrun began to back away awkwardly.

"Sigrun! I didn't see you there! You look lovely as always!" Frandral said giving her a bow and kissing her hand.

"Thanks."

"Dance with me!"

"Uh, no thanks, I'm…uh… just going to head up to my room, headache."

"No way, you look to good to go to waste!"

Sigrun tried to catch Loki's eye, to silently plead for him to get her out of this, but he was completely involved with Sif and let herself be dragged out to the dance floor once again.

After a few crazy dances and a many "I'm sorry!" from Sigrun, the music slowed and Frandral pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her waist. They spun slowly on the spot, and Sigrun rested her head on Fandral's shoulder.

On one rotation, she saw Loki and Sif dancing so closely she wanted to tell them to get a room, and tore her eyes away from Loki's hands rubbing up and down Sif's dress, which, of course, was backless.

On the next revolution, she thought she saw Loki catch her eye before he kissed Sif. She was pretty sure they used tongue.

"I have to go." Sigrun said louder than she intended, pushing herself away from Frandral.

"What are you talking about?" He called after her, but she was already almost to the door.

"I'm sorry!" Damn, was her voice breaking?

Sigrun ran sobbing all the way to her chambers and slammed the door shut behind her. She thought Loki liked  _her._

But then again seeing Sif in her perfect dress, with her perfect tits and ass, she realized she was a fool to expect anyone to prefer her over that.

She kicked off her shoes, grabbed a blanket off the bed, and walked to the chair on her balcony. Wrapped up in the blanket she picked up the book she and Loki had just gotten from Midgard the week before,  _Pride and Prejudice,_  he had even taken her to see a reading by the author a few months before. Flipping through the pages she got annoyed at the characters inability to just get over themselves and just be together and tossed the book on the floor.

"Do you know how much trouble I got into for missing a day of training for that?" Loki's voice was close behind her.

Sigrun scoffed, "Not your worst punishment, you survived."

"You left in a hurry."

"Wasn't in the mood for a party."

"Did Fandral do something? I swear I'll kick his ass."

"Fandral didn't do anything." Sigrun said stiffly.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing."

"Come on."

"Nothing."

"Sigrun…"

"I said it's nothing!" Agitated, Sigrun stood, unwrapping herself from the blanket and stomping her way back into her room.

"Listen, I don't need to be in here arguing with you, I have a date downstairs, and I really don't need to be stressed about some petty bullshit the night before we go to battle."

"Oh then don't let me stop you. You can go and fuck Sif all you want. You never know, you could be dead tomorrow. I hope it's a good time for you!"

"What exactly is your problem? Are you jealous?"

Sigrun laughed, "Jealous?! Please, go, I don't want you to keep your date waiting, be sure to use a condom, I don't think Odin and Frigga are ready to be grandparents!"

Loki threw up his hands and left the room, slamming the door so hard that it left a crack in the wood.

Sigrun threw herself into her bed and sobbed for what seemed like forever, while Loki slid down her bedroom door and sat, listening to her muffled sobs, cursing himself for fucking up so badly.


	7. Savior

**One thousand miles away**

**There's nothing left to say**

**But so much left that I don't know**

**We never had a choice**

**This world is too much noise**

**It takes me under**

**It takes me under once again**

**I don't hate you**

**I don't hate you no**

_**Rise Against - Savior** _

When Sigrun woke up the next morning she knew it was late, and as her heart sunk she also realized she had missed the send-off ceremony. Trying to convince herself that Odin and Thor wouldn't care and that she would have preferred to chew glass than see Loki after last night, she pulled the covers back over her head.

 _And this is why you shouldn't fall in love_  (she was pretty sure this is what this was) _with your best friend._

She groaned and squeezed her eyes shut, what a mess. Had this been a normal situation, she would have Loki to complain too about the guy she liked, and the pair of perfect tits he brought to the ball. Nothing could ever be simple, could it?

And the last words she had said to him before he got whisked off to war was "wear a condom."

_Fuck._

Visions of Loki, fondling Sif's boobs, as he kissed and nipped her neck while she breathed lustfully danced inSigruns mind.

"Urgh, what the fuck!?" She yelled, throwing back the covers and jumping out of bed.

Just in time to come face to face with Frigga who had just entered her room.

"Well, I certainly hope you are deathly ill," She said coolly.

_Just about…_

"I didn't feel well this morning."

"You should have been there."

Sigrun sighed and walked to the wash basin to splash some cold water on her face, "Thor would just be annoyed with me, I've been to enough send off's for Odin that I know he wouldn't care, and I'm positive Loki was too busy with Sif to even notice I wasn't there."

"Loki wasn't with Sif."

"He seemed pretty with her last night." Sigrun mumbled into the towel as she dried off her face.

"Is that why you left the ball early? Loki followed and never came back. He was pretty subdued this morning."

 _Good, I hope he feels like shit._  Sigrun thought stubbornly.

"I didn't feel good then either."

"It's not like the two of you to have a fight." Frigga looked Sigrun up and down, and Sigrun had the suspicion that she knew exactly what was going on.

"We will get over it I'm sure."

_Not bloody likely._

"I'm sure you will."

There was a long pause, Sigrun stared at her reflection in the basin, willing Frigga to go away so she could continue being the star of her pity party.

"Make sure you are available tonight," Frigga said finally turning to leave, "we have a tough job to do."

"What is it?"

"You'll see soon enough."

And with that, Sigrun was left alone.

* * *

The job, it turned out, wasn't just tough, it was horrifying.

Sigrun met Frigga by Heimdall, at the entrance to the Bifrost, The bridge was teeming with hundreds of families, all anxious to hear about their loved ones and how they fared that day.

As the room began to spin and figures began to spill in, Sigrun realized with a lump in her throat that many had not done well at all.

Her ear's rang when the wailing started as mothers recognized their children, some dead, some injured. Frigga grabbed her arm and pulled her to follow the procession to the catacombs beneath the city. Sigrun had only ever been there once, on a dare from Thor, and she vowed to never go back. Her body grew cold as she descended the steps.

"We have to help prepare the bodies," Frigga whispered a job she had done many times before. As Allmother, she took it as a privilege and looked almost serene as she washed the bodies and stitched the wounds as best she could.

Sigrun, on the other hand, had all she could do to not vomit. The smell of blood tickled her nose, and soon her fingers were stained red, that the thought would never wash off. Once the bodies were washed and dressed, the men laid them in boats and began to lay offerings around them. Sigrun wasn't sure how physical things could be used in the afterlife but didn't feel like now was the time to ask.

Standing next to Frigga on the shores of Asgard's ocean, Sigrun shivered as the cool night air wiped threw her cloak like, she might as well have been wearing nothing.

Frigga then led the entire realm of Asgard into reciting the funeral prayer as the boats were pushed out into the water,

" _Lo, There do I see my Father_

_Lo, There do I see my Mother and_

_My Brothers and my Sisters_

_Lo, There do I see the line of my people back to the beginning_

_Lo, They do call to me_

_They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla_

_Where thine enemies have been vanquished_

_Where the brave shall live Forever_

_Nor shall we mourn but rejoice for those that have died the glorious death_."

Sigrun finished quietly after everyone else and jumped as Frigga motioned for the archers to set fire to the boats. The horizon lit up in a bright orange glow, and Sigrun hoped it wouldn't be like this tomorrow.

* * *

Sigrun slept fitfully that night. She kept dreaming that she was walking in a field littered with dead bodies barefoot, and she kept slipping on blood. There were two figures that she knew were Odin and Thor, and they kept kicking something in-between them, she tried to get closer to see what it was but the ground was so slippery and she got nowhere.

But in the morning she wouldn't remember the dream.

* * *

The next day was very much the same, only now the wailing filled her head at night, and she could remember bits and pieces of her dreams in the morning.

By the end of the first week, the numbers of dead and wounded decreased, which she took as a good sign. And at night she was eager to get to bed so she can see if her dream self would get any closer to Thor and Odin.

It began almost as soon as she closed her eyes. She was so close now that she could make out their faces, she struggled against the wet grass and severed limbs, Thor turned his head slowly to her,

"What are you doing little sister? Want to join?" His voice echoed, as he aimed a kick toward her and sent whatever it was sailing in her direction. It bounced a few feet away from where she stood and rolled slowly toward her.

When she came face to face with Loki's head, she woke up screaming.

* * *

Drenched in a cold sweat, Sigrun covered her mouth with her hand to stop screaming.

_That was his fucking head!_

Wasn't Frigga always the one who said dreams mean something? What if something happened?

What if he was…

_No._

_Nope._

_Not gonna go there._

There was a quiet knock on her door, "Come in, sorry I woke you- oh…" She stopped short as Loki's head peeked around the door.

"I hope there is a body attached to that," She said stupidly.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Loki edged his way into the room, his armor and skin caked in dirt and blood and torn in places.

"When did you get back?"

"A few minutes ago. I came right here."

"Oh…you didn't think to get seen by the healers first?"

"It's nothing serious."

"Oh."

An awkward silence settled over them.

"I'm glad you didn't die."

Loki laughed, "You and me both."

Sigrun opened her mouth to speak, but Loki interrupted her, "I'm sorry, the ball, I was stupid. I didn't think it would backfire like that. It was a total fuck up."

"What did you expect would happen?"

"That either you wouldn't care…"

"Or?"

"God's Sigrun, I love you don't you see that?"

She stared at him open-mouthed, "Oh I knew that, you know, with you kissing Sif and all."

Loki stared at his muddied boots, "I didn't think it through, and it was a total clusterfuck. I just...did not know how to approach the subject with you. I mean, it never was a secret, obviously, that we aren't related, but we were raised together, you and Thor have that type of relationship. I thought I was reading to much into it, that maybe you were fine with us just being best friends, and that it would be weird for you. That you saw me the same as Thor."

"I don't."

"You don't what?"

"See you the same as Thor."

His face looked hopeful, "So?"

"You are still my best friend, I just don't want it to ruin that, you know? I mean it almost did already."

Loki crossed the room hurriedly and sat next to her on the bed, "I know…and I am so sorry for that. We can go slow, you know, ease into it. If it gets weird we can back out and just forget about it okay?"

Sigrun nodded, her heart swelling, "Probably won't though. Get weird, I mean"

"I don't think so either." He reached out a slightly dirty hand and cupped her face, running his thumb along her cheekbone.

"I missed you, so much," She said softly, leaning into his hand.

"I missed you too." Leaning forward so their foreheads touched, "Can I?"

She knew what he meant.

_Kiss._

_Kissing._

_Woah._

She gave a quick nod.

If she had to explain it to someone, she would tell them it was like she was a coiled spring, and when his lips touched hers, her body snapped in release, or that she was zapped by lighting. Maybe that was closer to the feeling, as her whole body tingled in response, as she kissed him back, nibbling lightly on his bottom lip.

After a time, they pulled apart breathlessly, "Wow." They said together.

"So, as my best friend, I guess I can tell you about that guy at the ball last week," Sigrun said seriously.

Loki laughed loudly, "I can already tell I'm gonna want to kick his ass."


	8. My Favorite Thing

**Cause this is, my favorite thing by far**

**And you defy everything I've ever known**

**But why?**

**Do you believe in fate?**

**Do you believe in destiny?**

**Would you believe me, if I told you**

**You, complete me?**

**Whoaaa**

**I don't say this lightly**

**Whoaaa**

**So don't take this lightly**

**This is, my favorite thing by far**

**And you defy everything I've ever known**

**But why, why me?**

**When you could have had anybody**

**Hi, nice to meet you**

**Was it nice to meet me too?**

_**My Favorite Thing- Tonight Alive** _

* * *

Loki stayed in her room the rest of the night, leaving only to shower and get fresh clothes. His chilly skin was still damp as he crawled into bed with Sigrun, clad only in a pair of pajama bottoms, and she wrapped herself around him. She expected this new intimacy to be a little bit weird, but it felt pretty normal as she kissed his chest and snuggled in closer.

"You don't think they will come looking for you do you?" By "they" she meant Frigga, who would lose her mind if she knew Loki hadn't been checked over.

"I doubt it."

She chewed her bottom lip and rested her chin on his chest; she wanted to ask him about what happened, but she wasn't sure how. Maybe she should bring up what Frigga had her do with the dead that returned home, but she really didn't want to talk about that now either.

"What are you thinking about?" His eyes were closed, but his fingers danced lightly across her back.

"I don't know to be honest." She chuckled.

Sighing deeply, "I will talk to you about it, but I'm not sure what to do with it yet."

"Okay." She understood completely; now that there would be time to process the last two weeks, Sigrun wasn't sure she knew what to do with her thoughts either.

"So…was Sif in on your brilliant idea?" Meaning the party the night before he left.

"Yeah, she was actually hoping it would cause Thor to notice her. But I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even notice her if she danced in front of him naked."

"It's a shame, she's hot."

"She's okay."

Sigrun scoffed, and closed her eyes enjoying the feather light touches on her skin. She was glad that there was no awkwardness between them. Loki once commented on how he liked that their relationship was so easy, sometimes requiring no talk. It also annoyed Thor that they could have full conversations without opening their mouths, which made it all the better.

_Oh, crap…_

_Thor…_

Her anxiety rose when she thought of her adopted family and what they would think of her new relationship with Loki. And really…what everyone would think about it. Would they be surprised? Would it be taboo since they were raised together? Odin had decided after Thor was born, that he and then Loki could choose whom ever they wanted to marry, but would he approve of her?

"Hey, Loki?" Sigrun opened her eyes and realized at some point he had fallen asleep; she hadn't even noticed his fingers had stopped their dance.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think this is a good idea?" Sigrun asked, trying to keep her voice even, despite the tangle of nerves.

"What?" he murmured sleepily.

"This," she persisted, "Us."

He turned to her, eyes narrowed with confusion. "What do you mean, love?"

"I mean Odin and Frigga? I mean everyone. I mean, I know it hasn't been a secret that I'm not from here and all that but…what if they think it's weird? What if they don't approve?

Loki cut her off, his voice confident but calming, "I wouldn't worry about that until we have too."

Sigrun didn't know how to turn off the faucet of anxiety running through her now. "But what if—"

"Listen, even if they think it weird, that is their opinion and shouldn't matter to us. Father has given his word that who Thor and I marry is of our choosing, and I choose you, you beautiful girl. And I think even if Father has a fit, mother will stick up for us, you know that. So we will have someone in our corner."

Though he seemed confident in their love, Sigrun couldn't shake her nerves. She hadn't realized until now just how long she had been waiting for this, to be able to lay in his arms and just feel completely wanted.

But still…..

"And if they find out?" she persisted.

"Then we will deal with it then," he said wrapping his arms around her, daring anyone to try and pry them apart, closing his eyes. "Let's just get some sleep and worry about tomorrow then."

Sigrun wasn't sure how she could sleep with all these thoughts and scenarios rushing through her head. But as Loki's breathing became steady, she found her eyes becoming heavy, her breathing matched in time with his and she was lulled to sleep.

* * *

"Where is Loki? And Sigrun? It is late enough already." Frigga asked from the table where Thor had just sat heavily in his chair, eyes red from sleep.

"I haven't seen him since we got back," He said helping himself to the heaps of eggs before him.

"And what about Sigrun?"

Thor only shrugged as she snagged two huge slices of ham on his fork and plopped them onto the plate.

Frigga pushed her chair back from the table and stood, "I expected a nice family breakfast, especially today." She said as she left the feast hall.

* * *

Sun poured into Sigrun's window. It burned through her eyelids and caused her to groan and pull her blankets up over her head.

"What time is it?" Loki asked sleepily behind her, and some point in the night she had rolled off him to face the wall, and he had turned to meet her.

"I don't know, nor care."

He chuckled sleepily and wrapped his arms around her to pull her towards him.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this." He sighed into the back of her neck.

"I think I might have some idea."

"Hmmm…you might."

She turned her head and met his green eyes with her blue, and kissed him wondering if the feeling of being struck by lightning would ever go away, and hoping it wouldn't. Nibbling his bottom lip slightly…

*CRASH*

The sound of her bedroom door smashed against the stone wall as it was thrown open caused them to break apart.

"Breakfast. Now."

Sigrun had rarely seen Frigga this angry, but as she stood there staring between them she was actually a little frightened.

All she and Loki could seem to do was nod, Frigga said nothing else as the left the room.

"I thought you said she would be okay with it?" Sigrun asked quietly.

Loki was still starting at the spot his mother had just been, "Well…" he sighed, "It is tomorrow."


	9. Sure as Hell

**I never felt more free,**

**I've never been more true**

**never thought I'd see today with you**

**I didn't picture this**

**Wasn't hoping high**

**But now I'm reaching for the things I left behind**

**'cause I'm finally content**

**And I sure as hell meant all of it**

**The tears well up and I**

**Just can't help but smile**

**I think about the way**

**This took me by surprise**

**To see how far, we've come**

**My only wish**

**That we would see the sun at the end of all of this and**

**Is it to proud to say that**

**I like who we became**

**And I guess that growing up turned out to be okay**

_**Tonight Alive - Sure As Hell** _

* * *

Sigrun and Loki stood outside the doors to the feast hall, each waiting for the other one to be the first to open the door.

"I think I am going to vomit." Sigrun whispered, looking at Loki who looked a little green himself.

"I think she is just mad we are late to breakfast. I mean, it is the day after we got back, she always made sure we had a huge breakfast whenever Father came back from battles."

"Yeah…maybe."

"Okay," Loki steeled himself, "I just went through a fucking war, I am damn well ready to handle breakfast with my family." He placed a long-fingered hand on the door, ready to push it open.

"That's it! How about giving me some inspirational pep talk?"

Too late, the door swung open to reveal three pairs of eyes looking at them. Loki sauntered to his seat, no longer looking green; Sigrun, however, was willing herself not to empty her stomach.

"Nice of you both to join us." Odin said from the head of the table.

"Nice to be here." Loki replied sarcastically.

"Sigrun! I expected you to be at the bridge when I came back to make sure I was unscathed." Thor said as she took her place next to him across from Loki.

"I figured you'd manage, especially if it was a head injury."

Loki burst out laughing, but quickly stifled it with a look from Frigga.

"Oh nice, I could have  _died._ "

"But you didn't."

"But I could have."

"But you didn't."

"Enough, eat your breakfast." Frigga ordered.

The next several minutes were passed in silence. Sigrun was well aware of Odin and Frigga both looking between her and Loki, and she wondered when they were going to confront them, or if Loki was right and it was simply about breakfast.

"Thor could you leave us alone for a bit." Frigga asked as soon as Sigrun and Loki put their forks down.

"Yeah, I am supposed to meet The Warriors Three and Sif."

 _The Warriors Three?_  Sigrun raised her eyebrows at Loki, who returned a look that said he would explain later.

Thor stopped short at the door, "Arent they coming?" He asked gesturing to his siblings.

"They will join in later."

His face brightened, "What did they do?"

"None of your business." Loki snapped.

"Come on, you haven't even been home 24 hours, what could you have possibly done?"

"Thor please." Frigga said plainly exasperated.

Once the door closed Sigrun's eyes became fixed on one particular stain on the gold table cloth.

"So…I think we should talk about this morning." Frigga began.

"I don't see why its anyone's business." Loki said.

"Because, you are both royalty of Asgard." Odin replied as if it was obvious why this relationship was a problem.

"And you made it plain that Thor and I could choose whoever we wanted to marry."

"You two want to get married?" Frigga sounded shocked.

"No, not now. But either way, it shouldn't matter."

"It does matter! This is not how things are done! You meet a girl and you court her! You meet a princess and you make a royal match!"

"How is Sigrun not a royal match? And what does that all mean anyway? We can choose a girl as long as she is appropriate or she is of some political benefit? So we really can't choose can we?"

"And what of Sigrun? Who will want her now that she…she…" Frigga struggled to find the words.

Sigrun's face was burning, she was absolutely horrified.

_Please, let's continue talking about me like I'm not here._

"We didn't do anything." Loki sounded angry now, "And besides, do you know how many girls Fandral has been with? Some already have found good men to marry."

"But they aren't Sigrun." Odin said plainly.

"So what are you planning on selling her to the highest bidder?"

Odin flapped his mouth, infuriated beyond words.

"Loki, of course not, but you have to see it in terms of our position. Fandral can do what he likes with the girls he wishes too because he is not royal."

"So you are saying we have to end this before we even get started?" Sigrun asked quietly.

"No." Loki said standing up, "I can see where you both are coming from, but no. I appreciate the  _concern,_ but it really isn't anyone's business."

"You both just need to be careful, it know it doesn't seem like it but you need to play by the rules," Frigga warned.

"Loki doesn't even know what rules are, he is a stubborn boy," Odin said, seemingly to himself, like he forgot anyone else was there.

"I will be stubborn when it comes to this."

"Well…You know our position on it, we can't support it, but we won't forbid it." Frigga looked between the two of them.

"Fine. Let's go." Loki walked around the table and held a hand out to Sigrun, who grasped it and stood up.

She avoided Odin's glare at the two of them, and gave Frigga a sad smile and allowed Loki to pull her from the hall.

* * *

 

"I will be damned if I allow a frost giant to be with my daughter," Odin said when he knew no one could hear him.

Frigga said nothing but started chewing the inside of her cheek.

"What?" He pressed.

"I honestly don't care."

"You w _hat_?"

"How is it all of a sudden he is a frost giant and you play the protective father. You can't just flip a switch when it suits you." Frigga stood abruptly, "I'll be in the gardens." She turned her back on her husband, leaving him smoldering in her wake.

"So, that unpleasantness got me thinking about something we should probably talk about." Sigrun mused as she lay in the sand on the edge of the ocean.

"Whats that?" Loki took off his shirt, the bright sun revealing deep purple bruising she hadn't noticed the night before.

She felt her face flush crimson, "You know, the dirty stuff."

"You've got my attention," He said sitting down next to her.

"I mean, Frigga does have a point, and I know we did say we would go slow, but maybe we should at least wait until we know for sure."

"Okay."

"But that doesn't mean I am not open to…other…stuff."

"We can cross those bridges when we come to them."

"Good."

Loki bent over and covered her mouth with his. She purred a little when he ran his sharp tongue along the line of her bottom lip, which caused her mouth to open greedily. Something molten hot began to stir and pool in her lower abdomen as his tongue danced with hers.

"Wow." She breathed when they finally pulled apart.

"This is pretty fucking amazing, isn't it?"

A huge smile spread across Loki's face, which caused Sigrun's heart to swell as she gave a smile to match.


	10. Hold My Hand

**And you smell like,**

**How angels oughta smell**

**And you look like**

**You're ready to go**

**So hold my hand**

**I'll take you everywhere**

**Anywhere**

**You wanna go**

**The way your words keep me in a line**

**I know what I'm here for**

**Waking up to the green of your eyes**

**It's something I'll get used to (Oh!)**

_**New Found Glory- Hold My Hand** _

* * *

The next few weeks passed pretty uneventfully. Everyone had gotten over the fact that Loki and Sigrun were together now, and Sigrun was grateful the novelty had worn off. She was also glad she and Loki had settled into a routine; which, admittedly, wasn't much different than before now it just included kissing and fondling.

"So I think we should explore the library, I heard there is a room in the basement that has a ton of really cool books," Loki called from his bathroom to Sigrun who was lounging on his bed.

"Where did you hear this?"

"I can't reveal my sources."

Sigrun heard pieces of his training armor hitting the floor as he shed them, and silently hoped the door was open a tiny bit more.

"Its just another part of the library right? What's the big secret?"

"Only three people know where the door is, that's the librarian, Father, and Mother. And soon we will. Come on where is your sense of adventure?"

"My sense of adventure stops at looking for a creepy, dark, and potentially spider filled room."

"But think of what we can find in there."

"True…" She thought about the vastness of the palaces library, she actually had gotten lost in there once when she was younger, and the thought of what could be underneath…

"Fine," She said finally, "But after my birthday, which is the day after tomorrow. Just in case we get eaten by giant spiders, or whatever."

"Deal." Loki walked out of his bathroom, his body covered in fresh clothes and his hair still damp from the shower. With his long legs, it only took a few strides to Sigrun who giggled when he pressed his body against hers and planted kisses on every bit of skin he could reach. It didn't take much until she was breathless, the hot molten pool began to stir, and she trembled as he ran his hands up and down her body; Loki made a rumbling noise in his throat when his hands reached her breasts, Sigrun gasped as the friction and the coolness of his hands through the thin, flimsy fabric caused her nipple to harden.

"You are so beautiful." He sighed.

"Your sweet talking isn't getting you anywhere."

"I am actually pretty content where I am." He reclaimed her mouth again, focusing on the hardened nub he could feel under her dress.

"Oh really?" Sigrun pulled her face away in an effort to get some air, Loki merely followed her jaw line, and continued south, nipping here and there.

" _Holy shit_." She breathed and instinctually bucked her hips upward to meet his.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He chuckled.

"I just might be." Tilting her head up she nipped his bottom lip, causing him to moan and grind his hips downward.

Loki's hand left her chest and began to travel downward, slowly and cautiously, waiting to see what Sigrun's reaction would be.

And that was when the molten pool began to surge, she felt electrified as his fingers dipped under her skirts and danced along her inner thigh.

Then stopped.

She opened her eyes to see his green staring down at her, wondering if he would be allowed to continue, considering for a fraction of a second Sigrun gave a quick nod. Her heart was pounding incredibly fast she was worried all the nine realms would hear it, worried it would break out from behind her ribs, and she pulled his face to hers as his fingers pushed aside the fabric of her underclothes and began to touch.

A momentary thought of how does he even know what he is doing crossed her mind, but vanished as a long cool finger slid between her folds, trying to find its way. If she wasn't terrified, and nervous she would have probably moaned, but other than heavy breathing she didn't make a sound until he came to her entrance. Sigrun wrapped an arm around his neck pulling him closer, she wasn't worried about having air to breath at this point, as they hadn't broke their kiss. His fingers flitted around her entrance, until she gave her she gave a nod breaking their kiss.

She gasped as his slid a finger inside of her, and he waited while she adjusted to the invasion.

"Are you okay?" He asked, face full of concern, but she could see the look in his eyes.

Once again, she could only nod, and gave a small twitch forward to tell him it was safe to continue. She was grateful how slow he was with her at this moment, and told him with her body when she was ready for more. He moved a bit so the heel of his hand hit, what felt like, even though she didn't know why, a pretty important spot, the contact making her moan and her hips continue their movements.

As he picked up speed she felt her muscles tighten, to stifle her ever increasing sounds she buried her face in his chest. Loki slowed his movements slightly as he slid one other finger into her core, causing Sigrun to cry out.

"Are you okay?" He asked again and was only answered by Sigrun kissing him fiercely and urging him with her hips to continue.

Her body was so tightly wound she had no idea how much longer she could stand it until her release crashed over her, and her muscles clenched around his fingers as she rode out her orgasm. Her moans only barely contained by their seemingly never ending kisses; and as the final wave washed over her, Loki gave a final soft curl of his fingers before he left her.

Sigrun wrapped herself around him and pressed her face to his chest, his own heartbeat ringing in her ear. She was suddenly guilty as she felt his hardness and hoped he wouldn't expect her to return the favor, because even though he seemed to know what he was doing, she had absolutely no idea.

"Are you okay?" He murmured.

"You keep asking that."

"I know."

She took a deep breath, "Yes, I am perfect." Feeling warm and sleepy, and soon dozed off to sleep.

* * *

When she woke up a few hours later, she glanced over to see Loki getting dressed for dinner.

"So umm, how did you know what you were doing?" She asked nonchalantly.

"What? Oh. Well, you see, I spend most of my time with people who know exactly what to do, and have done those things with many partners, and refuse to keep those things to themselves, and like to talk about them during training."

"Oh, I see."

"Thankfully, this is one-time eavesdropping did not get me in trouble." He laughed.

Sigrun sat up, and scooted to the edge of the bed and dropped her eyes to the floor, "And um, about me not-"

"Don't ever worry about that." Loki cut her off, "We can get to that when you are ready."

She looked up to find him staring at her, and matched his smile, "Well, I guess I will have to start eavesdropping."

"I guess so," He replied laughing.

The dinner gong sounded throughout the palace, and Sigrun's stomach growled in agreement.

"Let's go!" She jumped up, grabbing his hand and dragged him to the feast hall.

* * *

Sigrun and Frigga were in deep conversation about her upcoming birthday and all the details about the party that was being planned when Heimdall, followed by several of Odin's senior Generals.

"What is it?" Odin asked immediately.

"There is a volcano, one we have had to deal with before on Midgard, it is active," Heimdall said in his deep voice.

"Surtr's people have seemingly forgotten our last dealings with them." A heavily bearded General said gruffly.

"Thor," Odin turned to him, "Get your troops and everyone ready. We will leave immediately."

Sigrun had not had a moment to process what had just been said, "But they just came back." She said loudly.

"I know, love." Loki moved to where she sat, "But at least we are leaving on better terms."

Tears clouded her vision as she agreed softly, he hugged her tightly and kissed her roughly on top of her head before turning abruptly and following the other men from the hall.


	11. Oh This Is Love

**It is love from the first**

**Time I pressed my hand into yours**

**Thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'**

**Oh, dear, it's been hardly three days**

**And I'm longing to feel your embrace**

**There are several days**

**Until I could see your sweet face**

**Oh, say, wouldn't you like to be**

**Older and married with me?**

**Oh, say, wouldn't it be nice to**

**Know right now that we'll be**

_**Hellogoodbye - Oh, It Is Love Lyrics** _

* * *

Sigrun saw Loki for a quick moment just before he departed for Midgard, via the Bifrost. He promised once he got back they would celebrate her birthday and explore the library like they had planned.

"I'll be back before you know it." He said confidently, he tucked a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear.

"You better."

And in the blink of an eye he was gone.

* * *

The first couple days of their departure was uneventful. Frigga insisted they have a small birthday dinner and invited the daughters of the other nobles so it wouldn't just be the two of them. Sigrun forced a smile but died a little inside, she knew Frigga meant well, but she would have rathered it just be the two of them.

"Oh, Frigga, this is too much, you should have saved this for when everyone get back!" Sigrun gushed as a beautiful three tiered cake covered in her favorite sugared flowers was carried to the table.

"Trust me, dear, that one will make this look downright unappetizing." Frigga was beaming at Sigrun's reaction.

After eating a considerably large slice of chocolate cake with raspberry filling, Sigrun was in a better mood and actually interacted with the other girls. But it wasn't until Frigga and the other women excused themselves when Sigrun realized why she didn't mess with the girls at court.

Apparently, each of them had had a go one way or another with Fandral, who, after everyone had compared notes was pretty proficient in the ways of pleasing women.

Sigrun rolled her eyes so much in a five-minute span she was surprised they weren't rolling around the floor.

"Sigrun you are awfully quiet!" Erna said brightly.

Sigrun looked up from making designs in the leftover frosting on her plate with a fork, "I really don't know much about it."

"Oh, but you and Loki have been together for a while now."

"Only a couple weeks."

"Like she said, a long time," Hildr said as if a couple weeks was a couple years.

"And why Loki? Who wouldn't choose Thor?" Saga said in an airy voice.

Sigrun stared opened mouthed as the three girls who started talking about Thor as though he were the Allfather.

"Loki always seems so mean, and like he is better than everyone else," Erna said, turning back to Sigrun.

"Yeah really, I remember one time he transformed my brother's sword into a snake and he nearly pissed himself." Hildr wrinkled her nose.

"He just likes to mess around," Sigrun said, her temper rising.

"Despite all that he isn't bad to look at, I wouldn't mind going there once or twice." Saga's voice seemed to get more airy with each word. Sigrun narrowed her eyes at her and seriously considered smashing a piece of chocolate cake into the front of her pretty, pretty, pink dress.

"You should probably let Sigrun get there first." Three piercing laughs made Sigrun's teeth go on edge.

"Excuse me, I think I'm going to go to bed, headache," Sigrun said standing up, the girls stood as well and bowed quickly and said their goodbyes.

"Going to bed so soon?" Frigga caught her in the hall.

"Yeah, headache."

"Me too." Frigga replied with a wink and said no more.

* * *

After dinner every night Sigrun and Frigga would stand at the Bifrost with Heimdal, ever silent, peering into the realms. Sigrun was grateful that a week's worth of nights passed with no deaths or injuries, but a bit of her was disappointed, she wanted Loki home.

It was almost a month later, with still no sign that anything was happening on Midgard, but still no word on when Asgard's troops would be coming home. Sigrun and Frigga's days were filled with the duties of ruling a kingdom. Hour's upon hours in the throne room hearing people's petty arguments about who stole whose goat and who owed who money and other bullshit made Sigrun want to slap each and every one of them.

They were half way through their dinner with other member of court to deal with the higher issues when the guards rushed in and told Frigga she was needed at the Bifrost immediately.

"Whats going on?" Sigrun asked as she ran close behind Frigga.

"I'm not sure the guard didn't say much."

What was going on was plainly apparent as they waded through onslaught pouring through the portal. Sigrun's eyes grew wide as she took in what she was seeing, men burned, some still smoking, and some so badly injured it was difficult to tell what was what.

"Oh," She said in a small voice.

"Sigrun," Frigga grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look away, "I need you to help sort them, ones that can be saved send to the healing room, we need the healers free to help them."

"But what about the others?"

"Let's worry about the ones that have a chance okay?"

Sigrun could only nod and moved to the nearest body, dead, so where the next 10 she checked, dead or very nearly. Very few were sent to the healers.

She turned in time to see two men carrying another body through the portal and rushed over to see what could be done. His face was covered by ash and soot, she lifted the blanket they had covered his injuries to keep other debris away. Her trembling hand brushed more soot and ash away so she could get a better look, severe burns like the others, the metal of his armor was still hot enough to burn her skin, but that wasn't what made her scream.

"Frigga!"

Frigga was at her side in a second, took in what was left of the green and gold armor and what color she had left her face.

"Oh, Loki," She whispered, checking his neck for a pulse.

"They have to take him to the healing room," Sigrun said desperately.

"Sigrun, he is alive, but these wounds-"

"They can try!"

"Take him." She nodded to the healers who had arrived, then called over two others to take over for herself and Sigrun.

Once Loki was laid on the healing table, Sigrun grabbed a wet cloth and wiped his face, as Frigga and the healers began to peel away his armor that had melted into his skin.

"Allmother…these wounds…" One of the healers looked at her sadly, his eyes asking if their efforts would be better spent elsewhere.

"Just continue."

The smell of cooked flesh made Sigrun's stomach churn dangerously, but she couldn't pull her eyes away from the mess that was Loki's chest. When they peeled a section of armor away she caught a glimpse of white that could only be bone. Her insides seemed to fall to her feet.

"Mother?" Loki's voice was small like a child's, as he opened his eyes slightly.

"Oh my boy." Frigga stopped debating his burns with the healers and stroked his face lightly.

Sigrun watched him transfixed as the pain finally registered to his brain and he began to fight the healers, "Mother! Mother!" He screamed

"Sigrun! You have to hold him down!" Frigga ordered, but she couldn't move, she was stuck in this spot.

"Can't you give him something?" Frigga asked desperately and was promptly answered as a healer tipped a potion down Loki's throat. It took a moment or two, for it to take effect, he was still conscious, but no longer struggled; he continued to weep and call for Frigga.

"Will he be okay?"

The voice snapped Sigrun from her trance.

"Will he be okay?" Thor asked again, he stood some distance away, clearly afraid to come any closer.

Something inside Sigrun snapped, as she threw herself at Thor, punching and scratching any part of him she could get.

"Where the fuck were you? Why didn't you protect him?" She screeched, sobbing. Her fists did nothing, but Thor looked to his mother has she continued to beat him.

"Thor take her out of here."

"Come on." He pleaded as he half carried and half dragged Sigrun out into the hall, leaving Frigga murmuring in Loki's ear.

"Let go of me!" Sigrun yelled as she pushed herself away from her brother, took two steps and promptly emptied her stomach onto the floor.

"I tried to get to him, Sig, I swear it," Thor said quietly, his large hand rubbing her back while the other held her hair back, as she continued to retch violently and sob.

"The whole time we were there we were working out some kind of treaty with them, and we thought we had settled on something. We were getting ready to come home when they attacked. I swear, the whole of Midgard shook, they took us by surprise. Loki was too far away for me to reach him, and there was so much fire and smoke, I just couldn't do it."

"Thor what if-"

"Don't even go there, he will be fine, okay? It would take a lot more than that to beat him down."

Sigrun sniffed loudly, but all she could smell was vomit and smoke. She and Thor stood silently for a long while, "I know you would have done something if you could, I'm sorry."

"I'm just lucky your fists are tiny and ineffectual," He smirked a bit, in an effort to lighten the mood.

"Thor! Where the hell have you been? How dare you leave your men like that?!" Odin's angry footsteps sent shocks up Sigrun's legs as they vibrated the hall.

"I had too, Loki…" Thor began, but Odin cut him off.

"I don't give a shit who it was! You are the commander of Asgards troops! They suffered a huge loss today and imagine what they are thinking when they find you had just up and left?! This is not how you lead!"

Thor hung his head, "Yes, sir."

"Don't "yes, sir" me, just take this as a lesson and get back there and show them what happens when they try to pull one over on the sons of Odin."

Thor visibly swelled, wrapped one arm around Sigrun squeezing her so tight she thought her ribs might break and left without saying a word.

"Are you going to see him?" Sigrun asked.

"I will see him when I come back," Odin said simply and followed his son back to the Bifrost.

Sigrun stood in the hall for what seemed like hours until Frigga poked her head out of the door and called her in.

"He's been asking for you," She said quietly.

"Will he be okay?"

"The healers did what they can, but the rest is up to him."

The smell of cooked flesh diminished somewhat under the smell of salves and ointments Loki was now covered in.

"Hey." She said quietly.

"Well, this has been a wild ride." He sounded tired but stronger than he had before.

"I see that." Sigrun's voice trembled, she would not cry in front of him, she won't.

"Why don't I see my brother and father around my sick bed?"

"Thor was here, but Odin ordered him back to Midgard."

Loki scoffed, "That figures." He tried to move over slightly in the healing bed, wincing he patted the area with his good arm, "Come here."

Sigrun gingerly crawled under the covers, careful not to bump into his wounds, the smell the combined medicines tickling her nose as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"You better not pull this shit again."

"I'll try really hard not too."

"Because you can't leave me here with these people, I mean, Frigga is fine but everyone else…just…no."

Loki laughed, "Ouch, don't make me laugh."

"Sorry." She murmured and kissed along his jaw line.

"I love you."

"Come again?"

"I said I love you."

"Are you just saying that because you had a near death experience?"

Loki sighed, "No, I am saying that because even though I don't remember I am pretty sure you were here when I was screaming for my mommy like a child, and you saw the literal inside of my chest."

"Gosh, you are so romantic."

"I am being serious."

"I know…you said it when you came back the first time."

"That was different. I am saying now because I am so in love with you. And you didn't say it back then, and you don't have to say it now. But all I know is that it was different then."

Sigrun thought for a moment, "I love you too."

"Yeah?"

"Of course, who else would it be?"

They talked for a long while after, until the medicine began to work and Loki drifted off to sleep. Sigrun thought his color looked better and overheard the healers whispering about how much better his wounds were looking in just a short amount of time. Figuring it was safe, she closed her eyes and let her mind turn off.


	12. Hands Down

**My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me**  
So won't you kill me so I die happy  
My heart is yours to fill or burst, or break or bury  
Or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer

 **The words are hushed, let's not get busted**  
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered  
Safe in here from all those stupid questions  
"Hey did you get some?", man, that is so dumb  
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, they can't hear  
So we can get some

_**Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down** _

* * *

Loki stayed in the healing ward for several weeks, much to his annoyment.

"I told you, I am feeling much better!" He said eagerly to the Chief healer, Eir, who was checking how he was progressing.

"Loki, just let the woman do her job." Frigga snapped.

"Its fine Allmother, they all get antsy to get out of here, and he has been here longer than most." She smiled warmly, Sigrun was glad for it. Loki had managed to annoy and harass most of the other healers, so she was the one who dealt with Loki the most and just let his remarks and rants roll of her back. Sigrun was sure it was from the years of experience, considering how deftly and quickly she changed and checked his bandages. She actually reminded Sigrun of Frigga…

"Well, Loki, I think we can get you out of here," Eir said as she applied a fresh bandage.

"Finally!" Sigrun and Loki exclaimed together.

"Easy, easy. He is still on bed rest, but I don't see why he can't do it in his own rooms. I'll be around to check in and change the bandages." Eir explained.

"I can live with that." Loki beamed, looking happier than he had in a long time.

It didn't take long at all to get him settled in his rooms, his bedside table was well stocked with ointments and pain easing potions, Sigrun and Frigga both had scowered the library for interesting books for him to read, and a very squashy armchair was placed close to the bed so Sigrun would be comfortable when she visited.

"You know, you don't have to spend every minute with me." He joked several hours later, as Sigrun brought her full dinner plate back with her.

"Oh no? I guess I could hang out with all my other friends." She scoffed.

"Oh, right, you don't have those."

"And I like it that way."

Loki swiped a piece of fried potato off her plate and plopped it into his mouth, "Same here."

After Sigrun finished her dinner she and Loki settled into a comfortable silence, the only noise was the occasional turn of a page. She enjoyed these moments throughorly and didn't even notice that the sun had set and the sky had turned black. Loki absently waved a hand to light the sconces on the walls significantly brightening the room. His movements caught Sigrun's attention as her eyes moved to her right where he lay.

He really did look much better, she thought, his color was normal, and only the deepest burns remained. Those proved the most difficult and longest to heal, even by Asgardian standards, but he had certainly rebounded. She took comfort in the way his eyes danced across the page, and in the steady rise and fall of his chest; it finally hit her how much in a constant state of terror she had been in up until this point.

"What?" Loki asked quietly, glancing over at her.

"Nothing…I…Are you really feeling better?"

"Yes. It just aches now, which the healing and the potions knock it right out."

"Good." She tried to sound happy, but a cold chill ran up her spine.

"Whats wrong, love?" Now it was his turn to sound worried.

"I love you." She stammered around the huge lump that was forming in her throat.

"I love you too."

 _Fuck._  Try as she might, her body began to quake with sobs.

"I…was…so…scared." She gasped between each intake of breath.

"I know, I know, come here." Loki pulled her by the arm into the bed, and held her as tight as he could, as she continued to wail.

"I'm…sorry…"

"For what?"

"B…being…hysterical."

"Do you want me to slap you?" Loki asked in a loving voice, clearly joking, which somehow worked, as the sobbing gradually turned into laughter, and then hiccups.

"I have no idea what that was about." Sigrun said five minutes later, her eyes were red and puffy, and cheeks tear stained; Loki had never seen anything more beautiful.

"I think you needed that."

"I think I did too, I didn't realize how bad I had been feeling." It was true, she felt lighter, looser. "I am sorry, though," She said again.

"Don't be."

Sigrun had no memory of when she and Loki had fallen asleep, or what time it was when she opened her eyes, but it had to have been late. Loki looked so peaceful, although she knew how much he hated sleeping on his back, they both preferred sleeping on their stomachs, but that wasn't an option for him now.

She snuggled in closer to him and placed a hand on his stomach, and let her fingers dance lightly on his cool skin, stopping where his bottoms hit low on his hips. Biting her lip she wanted to continue but wasn't sure so she ran her fingers along the fabric. Loki moaned sleepily, turning his face toward her instinctively, and he kissed her hungrily.

Deciding that this was a positive thing, she slid her hand further down, trailing the line of his hip, tantalizing close…

"If I wasn't worried I was gonna die before, I am now." He moaned.

Sigrun smiled, leaning upward to kiss him again.

His whole body trembled as her fingers traveled up and down his length, causing her to smile into their kisses.

" _Oh fuck, Sig."_ The words rolled off his tongue over and over.

She could feel his body beginning to tense, and his kisses felt like they would bruise her lips.

"Sigrun- " He sounded frenzied, as his hips moved desperately.

"Shhh- show doesn't tell."

Loki buried his face in her neck, her name on his lips like a prayer as he finished. He lay, breathing heavily for a few minutes before getting up gingerly and went to the bathroom to change into clean bottoms, and crawled back into bed.

"You know, I don't think this is what Eir meant by bed rest."

"Well…it wasn't very strenuous on your part was it?" Sigrun asked laughing.

"No, I guess not." He agreed, pulling the blankets up to their chins, "You know, I think I can probably sleep on my left side, and if you sleep here, it will keep me from rolling on my stomach."

"Are you saying that to convince me? Or is that what you are going to say to Frigga when she comes in there in the morning."

"Both."

"Well, you know I don't need convincing," Sigrun said as she rolled to her side.

"Good," He replied happily, as he scooted up behind her.

And soon the room was only filled with the sound of their soft and steady breathing.


	13. Life Vest

**Our bed's a tiny island**

**That can save us from the storm**

**Hide us from the pain outside**

**And keep us safe and warm**

**With my hand across your chest**

**You're becoming my life vest**

**So hold me close and don't let go**

**They say its over**

**But this is just the start**

**They can't destroy us**

**Two bodies with one beating heart**

**Oh hold me close my dearest one**

**I fear the worst is yet to come**

**Ooh the time has come to sink or swim**

**Ooh so grab my hand and pull me safely in**

**Let us just drift out to sea**

**And forget what used to be**

**My home is wherever you are lying next to me**

_**The Material- Life Vest** _

* * *

"Its four months past my birthday, do we really still need to do this? I'm fine if we don't honestly!" Sigrun followed behind Frigga who flitted here and there telling the decorators exactly how she wanted the feast hall done.

"Well it's not just your birthday, we have to celebrate the battle on Midgard, and we couldn't have done that while Loki was healing. It's also for him too!" Frigga explained brightly.

Sigrun guessed that was understandable, and continued to follow Frigga to the kitchens, "No, no, no!" Frigga held her arms out, "No kitchens for you!"

"What?"

"No kitchens for you today, it will ruin the surprise."

"Oh, you didn't make them bake that cake did you?"

"You'll love it!"

"I know, but it's really not-"

"Of course it is! Why don't you start getting ready, there's a dress hanging up in your room."

"Did-"

"Just put it on," Frigga ordered, smiling brightly and steered Sigrun in the direction of the stairs.

Sigrun had no intention of going to her chambers yet and took a detour to see if Loki was in his room, ever since Eir had given him the all clear a week ago he was hard to pin down.

"Hey, I was looking for you!" Loki's voice made her jump.

"Don't sneak up on people like that!"

"Come on." Loki grabbed her hand and pulled her to the library. "Remember our deal?"

"Uhhh death by spiders?" She guessed.

"That's the one!" He replied brightly.

"I don't think we have time for that, with the party tonight and all."

"Please, it's just after lunch, that gives us plenty of time." His eyes scanned the library, "I think we should start in the old section, which, it's pretty obvious."

"Okay," Sigrun said halfheartedly.

The combed the entire north section of the library, books here were ancient, with yellow pages and cracked bindings. Sigrun loved the smell, mold, mildew, and age.

It was two hours later when Sigrun decided she had had enough.

"We can do this another day," She called to Loki from several rows away

Loki said nothing.

"It's not going anywhere. If it's even here at all." She mumbled to herself.

"Hey, Sig, I think I found it!"

"Of course you did." Sigrun dragged her feet, to where Loki stood, already lifting open the trap door.

"It was hidden by magic, pretty basic magic actually," He said looking skeptically at the door. "Well, you first."

"Why me?"

"Because I know if I go first you will just stay up here."

Sigrun didn't have a response for him because he was absolutely right. Taking a deep breath and holding a handful of her skirts up, she descended the steps.

"Uh, it's really dark down here Loki," She called back.

"I got it."

She felt Loki rustling behind her and felt the displacement of air as he waved a hand.

"Oh, I'm glad these are down here." Sigrun sighed as the torches on the wall where lit, showing endless rows of books.

In silence, they skimmed the shelves.

"These are some serious magic books," Loki said softly.

"These are made of human skin." Sigrun sounded like she might be sick as she read the plaque, she gingerly picked a book off the shelf examining the cover.

Sigrun walked slowly to the far back wall to where a large display table stood with an enormous book laying atop it.

"Hey, Loki?"

"Yeah?"

"Come here and look at this."

Loki came to where she stood and read the nameplate aloud, "Midgardian book, the Codex Gigas, or Devils Bible. Huh, interesting." His long fingers carefully turned the pages.

The book was giant, about the size of a small child, and by the look of it weighed as much as her.

"Says here, the Midgardians think one person wrote this in their 13th century, and they think its cursed. Oh now this is interesting, Asgardian scholars took the original and made an exact copy and left it with the humans. So really, this is the cursed one." Sigrun continued, "Hey that looks like you!" She laughed as Loki turned to a page that had a grotesque painting of a devil.

"Oh, you are funny."

"I know." She twirled around the table to examine a shelf filled with hundreds of minuscule books.

"Who do you even think reads these?"

"Really, really, tiny people," Loki answered behind her.

Sigrun held a tiny volume in her hand and ran her fingers over the beautiful floral design on the cover when she felt Loki wrap his arms around her waist and his lips at her neck, she turned to face him, and covered her mouth with his hungrily.

Loki's hands ran up and down her body as he pushed her against the shelving, Sigrun lifted the long fabric of her skirts up so he could find her more easily. She gasped loudly, breaking their kiss as his fingers slid between her folds roughly.

"Loki." She moaned shakily as he continued his kisses down the length of her neck and his free hand pulled down the front of her dress so he could kiss her breasts, taking great care to ravish them thoroughly.

"Loki, please." She tugged at the front of his pants.

"What? Here?" His eyes grew wide while Sigrun nodded furiously, continuing trying to rid him of his bottoms.

"Are you sure?" His fingers slowed to a steady motion in and out of her entrance.

"Yes!" It almost came out as a whine as she finally slid is pants and underpants down, wrapping her legs around his waist as he picked her up easily and pinned her steady against the wooden shelves.

"Sig?" He asked as he readied himself at her core, her only response was to move her hips forward. They both gasped sharply has he slid into her, moving slowly so her body could get used to the invasion.

"I love you." Her words so quiet he could hardly hear her over his own breathing.

"I love you." He began to pick up the pace, gliding in and out of her, while her moans were sweet music to his ears. Loki could feel her body tensing around him from her delicious walls around his length to her arms and legs wrapped around his body, urging him to his own release.

"Loki." His name on her lips sent shivers up and down his body.

Sigrun almost forgot to breathe as her release washed over her, her entire body quaking, crying out his name over and over. Loki nipped at the top of her breast as his motions became frantic, and as he came he knew there was nothing in the universe like what it felt like to spill himself into her.

* * *

There was only a half an hour before they were expected to be down in the feast hall, Sigrun rushed into her bathroom and took the quickest bath of her life.

Rushing to her wardrobe she grabbed the dress Frigga had left for her, it was a beautiful green silk, with cascades of black lace falling from her waist so the green just shone through, the bodice of the dress was encrusted with beautiful crystals, and just barely covered the mark from Loki's teeth on her chest. She fought with her hair for all of five minutes and was pleased with the results, a pretty updo with wavy tendrils falling down here and there. She finished off the look with a pair of long earrings that nearly hit her collar bone.

"Well, this is as good as it's going to get," She said aloud, taking a last look in the mirror before sliding a pair of simple black flats on her feet and running from her room.

"Oh, Sigrun you look beautiful!" Frigga caught her as soon as Sigrun had entered the hall.

"This dress must have cost a fortune!"

"A small one," Frigga laughed, "But you are only 1800 once, it's time for you to have a dress like this."

"Thank you!" Sigrun hugged Frigga tightly.

"It's nothing, now why don't you go find Loki and Thor, they should be around somewhere." Frigga scanned the room when they broke apart.

Sigrun walked to the balcony and found Thor along with his friends, Fandral was surrounded by a gaggle of girls.

"Cant you do something about that?" Sigrun asked as she wedged herself between Thor and Volstag nodding to Erna who was draped over Fandral in a clearly defensive posture.

"Sorry, we've tried," Sif replied.

"Sigrun! No Loki?" Fandral asked, untangling himself Erna's possessive arms and turning toward her, "It's a shame you look delicious in that dress."

Sigrun smirked at the look of pure contempt on Erna's face, "I am sure he's around."

"Fandral I think you are upsetting Erna." Hildr said brightly and seizing her chance to rub against Fandral.

"Oh, you know me, girls, I'm a free agent."

"I think we call that a slut Fandral," Thor said brightly.

"Hey now, now slut shaming."

Sigrun laughed along, all the while scanning the crowd for Loki. Sif was gorgeous as usual, in a breathtaking high-necked ruby red dress, but Thor was oblivious to the attention she was paying him.

"Can everyone come into the feast hall please!?" Frigga's voice called from the high table where she stood next to Odin. Sigrun followed everyone from the balcony back inside and stood with Thor at the front of the audience that had gathered.

"Good!" She said smiling, " So I will keep this short, this party is a few months late, yet right on time. We had intended to first throw this party in celebration of Sigrun's 1800th birthday," There was a pause has the room erupted in cheers, and Thor cheering the loudest beside her, "But unfortunately, a day before Asgards troops were needed on Midgard, so her party was to be postponed until everyone returned. Then when Prince Loki was injured we decided to again to delay and combine it with the traditional return party and, of course, celebrate Loki's recovery." Frigga paused again, as she bent quickly to pick up a goblet and handed one to Odin. " To my beautiful daughter Sigrun, to Loki and his strength, and to Asgards army, may the realms tremble in our wake!"

Deafening cheers and shouts rang in Sigrun's ear as everyone emptied their goblets and called for more mead. She saw Frigga wave a hand as the cooks wheeled her cake to the high table.

Frigga was right about this outshining the one before. It was enormous, mountains of fluffy white icing, covered in delicate sugared flowers of all kinds, and intricate designs in a shimmering gold frosting.

Once the cake had been devoured, which took less time than Sigrun thought it should have, she and Thor returned to the balcony.

"I overheard them saying there is going to be fireworks!" Thor said excitedly.

"I wonder where Loki is?" Sigrun was starting to get worried.

"I know, he missed the cake."

When the fireworks began Sigrun momentarily forgot about Loki as the sky was lit in many different colors, she hated how loud they were but enjoyed the shapes and designs.

"You look beautiful." A voice said in her ear, as a cool arm wrapped around her waist.

"Where the hell have you been? You missed everything?"

"I had to do something," Loki replied simply.

"Do what?"

Loki said nothing but took her left hand in his and slid something over it.

"Happy birthday." The cool metal felt heavy on her skin, catching the reflection in the light from the fireworks she saw it was a wide cuff bracelet of hammered Asgardian silver, an arrow had been etched into the metal and inlaid with gold and a cut green gem for the arrow head.

"It's beautiful…" She said in a hushed voice.

"I had it made. It wasn't quite ready, and the blacksmith wasn't happy about missing the first half of the party, but, I needed you to have it."

"Is this because I had sex with you? Because I can get used to getting gifts for sexual favors." She teased.

"I think that would make you a whore."

"You say whore and I say I like jewelry."

Loki laughed and shook his head, "I love you."

"I love you too."

They stood together watching the fire for a few moment before Sigrun grasped his hand and led him out to the hall.

"Where are we going?" He asked confused.

"To my room."

"But I just got here!" He tried to sound disappointed, but something in his voice betrayed him.

Sigrun stopped short, and pulled him toward her, "That's fine," She whispered in his ear, and nipping at his earlobe, she smiled at the tiny groan he gave, "We can go back." Sigrun said in a normal voice, ready to turn around.

"No, no, no, no!"

Sigrun laughed and continued pulling an excited Loki down the hall.


	14. Can't Dream Without You

**I don't wanna live this life without you I don't wanna spend the night without you I don't wanna know what it's like I can't dream without you I can't dream without you**   
**Let your fire burn bright for the world to see You are the better part of me When you hold my hand I swear that I believe**

_**Good Charlotte- Harlow's Song ( Cant Dream Without You)** _

* * *

Over the next several months, Thor and Loki were busier than ever as Odin gave them more responsibilities over the realm. Sigrun was glad that it seemed they were both being judged fairly, but it led to daily arguments between the two brothers on how best to handle things. Between throne room duties and their normal battle training schedules, Sigrun and Loki only saw each other at meals and at night when they would sneak into each other's rooms.

"I know what you mean," Sigrun repeated for what felt like the hundredth time that night. She lay naked under the soft sheets on her bed, enjoying the coolness on her still flushed skin.

"He just cares about making whatever decision will make him the most liked, as though the sun shines out his ass," Loki paced his room, gesturing wildly with his hands. "So when it's my time in the throne room, they view me with as much reverence as a draugr's backside. I need to do what's fair, not what is popular."

"What does your father say?"

" That it is okay to have different ruling styles, that we were both born to be kings, and that we shouldn't worry about how the other one does things," he imitated Odin's dismissiveness.

"I mean, he's right, you and Thor are different." When Loki rolled his eyes, Sigrun insisted, "And that's a good thing! I couldn't imagine having another ego to match Thor's; there wouldn't be any room to breathe."

Loki gave a loud laugh. "That is true. I just want them to see that I am good enough… on the same level as him. I may be second born, but I have just as much a chance of that throne than he does."

"I know you do, and I would much prefer it."

" I feel like… I feel like this is all for the sake of appearances, that Father has no other plan than to crown Thor. I mean, really, he already has the hammer. So what the hell is the point?" Loki's arms dropped to his sides as he ceased his pacing, his naked back to Sigrun.

"Frigga would stand up for you."

Loki scoffed, "She would be the only one."

"I can't imagine that's true."

"It is true! The nobles and generals don't think I would take ruling seriously, that I would be too busy playing tricks to pay attention to the nine realms."

Sigrun sighed. "I think that's unfair. Have they even seen Thor?"

Loki crossed the room and sat down on the bed. "They have. I guess they like the arrogance."

"They think he is a better fit for the position," Sigrun said sadly, the realization dawning on her. Sigrun didn't know what else to say. After all, what could make him feel better? She couldn't guarantee him the throne, but she also hated seeing him so defeated. She agreed with him: Loki would make a better ruler than Thor. He may be a trickster, but he takes his responsibility seriously. And as much as she loved Thor, he might too big-headed to focus on anything but his royal mirror. Her eyes wandered the lines of Loki's body. She absentmindedly traced his skin, his cool temperature causing goosebumps to form on her own.

"It will be alright," she finally settled on saying. Although her voice didn't carry the confidence she'd imagined, Loki melted against her touch.

"You're right," he said, resigned. "I'll work harder to prove I am worthy." "Hard work is something Thor is unaccustomed to," Sigrun joked, and Loki laughed. "That is true, love. This shouldn't be hard at all."

* * *

The following evening, Sigrun trudged down to the feast hall alone. Thor and Loki were dining with Asgard's nobility, talking politics and whatever else old men discuss. She didn't envy either of them, but she didn't exactly want to eat dinner alone with Odin with only Frigga as a buffer.

Sigrun chewed her food in stony silence as Odin boasted about Thor and how well he was getting on with the people, both low and high, and how respected he was in all the realms.

"I have also heard promising things about Loki," Frigga interjected brightly.

Odin snorted and waved a hand. "Loki would be better respected if he stopped all the games and grew up."

Sigrun made a noise of disgust, but thankfully neither of her adopted parents seemed to think it was anything other than a piece of food getting caught in her throat. To cover her tracks, she took a big gulp of water.

"He has grown up quite a bit," Frigga said proudly.

"The damage is done if you ask me, and if you ask the people to whom it matters. It's hard to forget all the tricks he's pulled. I think it's totally understandable why our people would be hesitant to have him in charge."

"The people, or you?" Sigrun asked, trying to keep her tone even.

"Well, considering I have to decide who to leave my throne too…"

"And there it is." She dropped her fork, crossing her arms over her chest staring up at Odin. "You have no intention of having Loki rule do you?"

"Sigrun, Loki is the second born, and no one would trust him. Thor is very much the better ruler here."

"Are you siding with him on this too?" Sigrun tried to catch Frigga's eye, who was doing everything she could to avoid it.

"Frigga knows what is best for the realms. You really wouldn't rather Loki be crowned, would you?"

"Yes, I would! Thor is pig-headed and would risk everything just to show off! That type of behavior is dangerous to have as Allfather!" Sigrun's voice echoed off the walls.

"Sigrun, please," Frigga pleaded.

"It sounds like you have already made up your mind then," she huffed, ignoring her mother.

"There was never really anything to make up," Odin said with finality.

Sigrun felt a stinging in her eyes, which could only mean she would soon be crying out of anger. "Then what's the point?" Echoing Loki's question from last night, she asked, "What is the point of getting his hopes up? He is trying so hard to be what this realm needs and you are just overlooking it."

Odin said nothing while Frigga just looked at her sadly.

"I'm done with dinner; I'm going to my room," Sigrun thundered away from the hall.

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity of intense silence, Frigga opened her mouth to speak.

Odin held up a hand. "No, you know well enough why Loki cannot become King of Asgard. No matter how much he has grown, and how hard he has worked, don't think I have not noticed. But we both know what he is."

"We should not have raised him as our own," Frigga said so softly Odin almost couldn't hear her. "It is not fair to him."

"What would you have had me do? Leave him to die, abandoned on the frozen rock where he was left? I did what I thought was right!"

"Oh, this was never about compassion! This was about using him as a bargaining chip!" she argued fiercely.

"That hasn't mattered in a very long time, not since his first few months here. We grew to love him, he grew with Thor, they played together, learned together—"

Frigga cut him off, "We should have never done it that way! He should have known what he was from the beginning."

Odin scoffed. "And make him an outcast?! How could he have ever grown up that way? You told them stories of Frost Giants! I remember the nights he would crawl into our bed and we both would soothe him until he fell back to sleep. Do you think by telling him who he really is would have helped anything?"

"It would have helped this. Loki will not take this well; he is a smart boy, he knows something isn't right. And I myself am not convinced Thor is the right choice."

"How can you say that?"

Frigga stood up abruptly. "I love BOTH my sons! I love him the same as I would if I had given birth to him! Sigrun is right, Odin—Thor is rash and arrogant; Loki would take his post seriously."

"Frigga, my mind is made up. Thor will be Allfather; that is the end of it," Odin's voice rang with all the authority of a King.

But his puffed up body deflated a little when Frigga stormed from the room.

* * *

Hours later, Sigrun reenacted the scene from the night before dinner for Loki, ranting, and raving, her hands waving wildly about as she paced her room.

"He's already made up his mind." Hot tears of anger poured down her face, as she flopped heavily next to where Loki sat.

"I had a feeling about that tonight, nobody really paid any attention to me. I might as well have not even been there."

"It's just not fair," Sigrun lamented, "Even if the plan is to make Thor become king, they could at least act like it is a hard decision."

"Maybe I should have listened to Mother and toned down the tricks." He gave Sigrun a sad smile.

Sigrun pulled his face toward hers so their foreheads touched. "I love you, so much, you know that right?"

"Honestly, that's the only thing keeping me going." He kissed her then, and Sigrun almost forgot what she was so upset about.

* * *

Over the next few days, it seemed everyone knew that Thor was going to be King without it being announced officially. As a result, Loki's responsibilities were reduced over the following few months, while Thor's increased. Loki tried to act like everything was fine but looked as though he was nine realms away when he thought no one was looking.

One night, Loki and Sigrun were invited to attend a party in the hall. Loki begrudgingly accepted—although he was wearing his best garb, his scowl made him look ugly. Sigrun too had to admit that she was not looking forward to what was bound to be a long evening.

Later, as she predicted, Sigrun had only been at the party for an hour when she was ready to leave. She had passed the time by downing two mugs of ale while getting disapproving looks from the other ladies and their mothers. This only caused her to drink a third with enthusiasm.

Sigrun motioned for a fourth mug when Odin called for everyone's attention. Once he had all ears, he began to tell of the creation of the universe and Asgard's first kings. She had heard this story many times before and was one of the only ones with her back to the Allfather.

"Come with me for a second," Loki's voice cut through the drunken buzz in her brain.

"Where are we going?" She was surprised how unsteady her legs felt as she followed Loki out into the hall.

"Just here." Loki pulled her into a darkened alcove, although she could still hear the murmuring from people in the hall, and the occasional cheers coming from the party.

He pressed her against the wall, kissing her fiercely, causing her already fuzzy brain to melt.

"What is this about?" She tore her lips away from his, desperate for air. Loki continued kissing down her bare neck, then through the black lace that covered her chest and stopped where the material of her dress began.

One of his hands slid down the length of her body and dipped under her long skirts, his fingers dancing along the sensitive skin of her thigh.

"Loki…" Her breath came in gasps.

"I love you, you beautiful girl," he purred, as his fingers slid passed the flimsy material of her underwear.

Sigrun's hands reached down to undo the buttons of his pants, not caring that they could be found at any moment. Loki picked her up easily as Sigrun wrapped her legs around his waist.

She thought she heard their sharp gasps echo in their small space as he entered her, her fingers tearing his shirt at the seam.But at that moment, nothing else but her breath and his moans mattered.

* * *

 

"Where have you two been?" Fandral whispered when Loki and Sigrun finally rejoined the party.

"Nowhere," Loki lied, catching Sigrun's eye. The spot between her legs ached sweetly, and she could feel the slickness on her thighs as she and Loki made their way to the front of the crowd.

"And now, as a continuation of Asgard's great history, we have to crown a new Allfather." Odin's words were followed by silence; it seemed that no one even drew a breath.

"On Thor's next birthday, he will be crowned as King of Asgard, and protector of all the nine realms."

Sigrun was sure she would be deaf as the hundreds of people broke out into a thunderous applause. Thor stood by his father, beaming and waving. She reached to where Loki stood beside her but he was turned away from her and sulked out of the room without anyone's notice, and she couldn't bring herself to follow.


	15. It's All Down Hill From Here

**And it's all downhill from here**

**Your good intentions slowly turn to bitterness**

**Re-occurring episodes with each and every kiss**

**And I can tell you're going through the motions**

**I figured you were acting out your part**

**Once again we're playing up emotion**

**Which one of us will burn until the end**

_**New Found Glory - All Downhill From Here** _

* * *

Sigrun spent the night alone in her room, having been unable to find Loki anywhere. She could hear the low rumble of the party continuing below her chambers. Thor, she imagined, would be drinking with his friends well into the early morning. After his soon to be title was officially announced, Sigrun bolted from the room, unable to handle the gloating; she was sure no one would be looking for her tonight anyway. She spent the better part of an hour looking for Loki, albeit halfheartedly; she had a feeling he did not want to be found and would seek her out when he was ready.

It was almost dawn by the time things grew quiet downstairs. In the early morning, she could hear Thor's heavy, stumbling footsteps in the hall as he staggered to his chambers. Once his door closed, the only sound she heard was the quiet shuffling of servants and the gentle scraping of tables and chairs in the feast hall being put away. Then, as she started to relax, she heard the sound of a door opening and closing just down the hall.

Eyes burning from lack of sleep, Sigrun threw back her blankets, shivering as her feet hit the cold stone floor, and crept quietly from her room. The soft glow from the crack at the bottom of Loki's door told her he was inside, but she hesitated to turn the handle.

If he wanted to see her, she thought, he would have gone to her room; her gut feeling was that he wanted to be left alone. Chewing her lip, she took a deep breath and turned the knob anyway, slipping in without Loki noticing.

His back was turned toward the door as he stripped of his armor. "That's not what you were wearing tonight," she observed.

Loki jumped slightly. "No, it's not."

"I tried looking for you."

"I thought I would go to the training yard, hence the armor."

"And that would be why I couldn't find you." Sigrun had a funny feeling in her stomach as she watched him unlace his gauntlets and toss them on the floor. "I'm sorry."

His muscles flexed as he shrugged. "We all knew it was going to happen. I'm not all that surprised."

"Still…I'm sorry."

"Don't be; nothing is set in stone."

"What do you mean? It seems pretty set in stone to me."

"Thor has plenty of time between now and then to show how incompetent he is," he said coldly, dragging his pajama bottoms over his long legs.

"Only three months."

"Like I said: plenty of time."

The anxious monster in her stomach roared. "Loki…"

"Don't worry about it, love." His tone and she was sure expression, changed as he turned and gathered her up into his arms. She shivered as his cool skin cut through the fabric of her nightgown.

"But-" Loki's lips cut her off.

"It's fine." He didn't take her lips off hers as he spoke, "Everything will be fine."

Sigrun wondered how they would fit everything that needed to get done before Thor's coronation in three months. Servants worked around the clock cleaning parts of the palace that had hadn't been touched in years, gardeners tended to the gardens in fervor, and Frigga drafted about 50 different menus. Sigrun was asked her opinion on the invitations and announcements that would be sent out through the realms;, she decided to go with the red and gold versus the black and silver Odin wanted.

Loki, despite being cast over, threw himself into the preparations, which did not help the uneasiness constantly churning in her stomach. Some afternoons, though, he was nowhere to be found. Once, she had even asked Heimdal where he was, but he could not find Loki either.

"Where have you been?" It was exactly a week until the coronation, and Loki had missed dinner and had gone straight to his room once he had gotten back. Sigrun, frustrated, burst into his room, hands on her hips.

"Just working on things for the event next week. Frigga wants some rare ingredient for a dish, and I told her I'd go look for it." Loki shrugged.

"Hmph."

"What?"

"You're lying," She noted that Loki's back stiffened at the accusation. "You promised you would never lie to me. What the hell Loki?"

"It's nothing, Sig."

"Then why won't you tell me? If it's nothing, then tell me and I can help you or rope you back in." She eyed him, "Is it something to do with the coronation?"

"No."

Sigrun swallowed hard; the uneasiness threatened to make an appearance on the floor. "Is it…is it someone else?"

"Oh gods, Sigrun, no!" She had to admit he looked genuine.

"Then what?!"

"Please, just leave it alone, Sigrun."

She eyed him up and down, chewing her bottom lip; she knew something was wrong, very wrong. But it wasn't like Loki to go over the top and plan something dangerous.

"You aren't doing anything stupid?"

"No."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

"Come here." He held out a long fingered hand, which Sigurn hesitated before grasping it, and let herself be lead to the bed. "You don't have anything to worry about; everything will be fine."

"You keep saying that."

"That's because it's true."

"Why don't I believe you?"

Loki looked hurt. "Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"

"No…" she admitted slowly.

"Well then?"

"Then I guess everything will be fine," she said finally.

Sigrun couldn't believe Thor's day was finally here. Sshe was exhausted, which showed, as she looked into the mirror: her eyes were red and kind of squinty from the long night of last minute decorating. She was also exhausted from consoling Frigga, who was hurrying in the hall from her chambers to the kitchen until on the 6th pass Sigrun convinced her that the cooks had everything under control and she should just go to bed.

She decided to wear the green lace dress Frigga had gotten her for her birthday, along with the bracelet from Loki. As she dug through her jewelry box for a matching pair of earrings, Loki walked out of her bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, hair dripping. His weeks of calmness over shadowed by the indignation radiating from him, he dressed in silence, but every few moments she could feel his eyes on her.

"What?" she asked when she caught his eye in the mirror.

"You look beautiful."

She smiled widely and finally found a pair of dangly earrings with emerald crystals.

"So, I forgot I got something for you," Loki said, reaching into his pocket of the pants he just pulled on. "I saw this when I was on Alfheim."

"Is that where the elves are?"

"Yes. Close your eyes."

Sigrun obeyed and felt Loki move behind her. He fastened something cold and a bit heavy around her next. "Okay, open them."

When she opened her eyes, she focused on the glittering chain around her throat.

"Is this…?" her fingers delicately traced the pendant that was shaped like a tree.

"Yggdrasil," Loki nodded smiling, "Tree of life. Do you like it?"

"I love it," Sigrun whispered, "Thank you." She reached up and pulled his face to toward hers and kissed him.

A knock on her door broke them apart.

"Sigrun? May I come in?" Frigga called through the door.

"Yes," she called back, and Frigga entered wearing her best gown for the occasion.

"I figured Loki would be in here with you," she smiled warmly. "I wanted to make sure you two were ready."

"As ready as I can be," Loki mumbled, unable to hide his displeasure.

Frigga smiled at him sadly. The noise coming from the hall below told them it was time to head down to the ceremony. Frigga left, urging them to head down quickly. Once she left the room, Loki quickly took Sigrun in his arms again, kissing her. Something in the kiss seemed excitable, yet desperate; something in it caused the uneasiness to surge in the pit of her stomach.

"Shall we head down?"

The ceremony hall was incredibly crowded and full of noise as Sigrun and Loki took their places at the end of the aisle and waited for their brother. All at once, the sound of loud chatter turned into a mighty roar of applause as Thor began to make his way down the aisle. Swaggering was more like it, drinking in every second of being the center of attention.

The sight made Sigrun sick.

Stealing a glance at Odin, she thought he looked uneasy as Thor kneeled before him, and she felt Loki stiffen beside her.

Her ears rang and her mind was fuzzy; all she saw was Odin's mouth moving, but the words weren't reaching her brain.

"The vault!" Odin yelled.

Sigrun started so violently she almost toppled off the stair she was standing on.

She didn't even know if Thor had been crowned.

Thor and Loki followed behind Odin as he marched down to the weapons vault. Sigrun walked quickly to keep up with them, watching Loki's body change from a rigid statue to electric; he was excited.

She had never been in the dark windowless expanse, but Loki had told her of some of the things contained in it all the trophies of war dating all the way back to Asgard's first king. The temperature of the air dropped with each flight of stairs they descended.

Odin took the first look about the room, making sure nothing had been touched. Thor's face was contorted in rage that anyone had dared enter the vault.

"Frost Giants," he muttered as he surveyed the bodies of the guards that died protecting Asgards treasures.

"They will be punished for this," Thor said in a low voice, glaring about the room.

"They have been," Odin replied simply, checking to make sure the item which was the target was unharmed. "It has been done and they were unsuccessful. They will not try again."

"We must show them that this is not tolerated! We have a truce with the giants and they very obviously broke that truce!"

Loki looked between his father and brother, face completely blank, but she could feel his excitement.

"I said it is finished! Nothing more is to be done! Besides checking our defenses to see how they entered the vault, let alone the realm. You will let this go and be done with it!"Odin finished his surveying of the room. He gave his children another look and swept from the room.

Sigrun and Loki followed Thor back to the feast hall that was now empty, but Thor didn't seem to notice them and promptly began tearing down decorations and flipping over tables. Sigrun stood far enough away to not get pelted by a stray jug of ale.

Finally, breathing heavily, he threw himself down on a bench and glowered at the floor. Sigrun was surprised when Loki sat next to him.

"What are you doing?" Thor mumbled. Loki sat in silence. "This was my day."

"If it makes you feel any better, I agree with you about punishing the frost giants," Loki said quietly. Sigrun's eyes grew wide with each word.

"Father is wrong about that," Thor agreed, beginning to get agitated again.

"What's to say they would try again and this time with an army?!"

"Exactly!"

"Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do without going against father," Loki said in a defeated tone. Thor jumped up suddenly.

"No, whatever you are thinking, Thor, forget it!" Sigrun said, glaring over at Loki as the realization of his plot hit her like a ton of bricks

"Thinking about what?" Sif demanded as she and the Warriors Three entered the feast hall.

"What a waste of food," Volstag mumbled.

"We are going to Jotunheim," Thor said proudly.

"Which is a really bad idea, Thor! Your father will skin you alive," Sigrun said, taking a few steps closer. She glanced at Loki, who had put his head in his hands in a brilliant performance of looking exasperated.

"Why not?" he demanded, "Father is obviously wrong about this. It is for the good of Asgard that other worlds know we shall not sit idly by when we are provoked."

"Hear hear!" his friends said in unison.

"You will come with us right?" Thor said, turning to Loki, who still had his head in his hands.

Sigrun stared between Thor and Loki wide eyed and open mouthed.

"I wouldn't dream of not going!" Loki replied brightly.

"Okay then," Thor starting rubbing his hands together. "We should all meet in the training yard then go to the Bifrost. I'm sure Heimdal won't be an issue; he will want to know how the Frost Giants got into Asgard as well."

The others agreed and departed to get ready. Sigrun followed Loki silently to his room. She watched him put on his battle armor and gather his daggers.

She finally found her voice, "Loki, what the fuck did you do?"


	16. Demons

**I cannot stop this sickness taking over**

**It takes control and drags me into nowhere**

**I need your help, I can't fight this forever**

**I know you're watching,**

**I can feel you out there**

**Take me high and I'll sing**

**Oh you make everything okay (okay, okay)**

**We are one in the same**

**Oh you take all of the pain away (away, away)**

**Save me if I become**

**My demons**

_**Starset - My Demons** _

* * *

Loki didn't answer her. He pretended like she wasn't there until he made for the door to leave and Sigrun blocked his path.

"No, not until you tell me what you are doing," she growled.

"I haven't done anything."

"Let's pretend that you had nothing to do with the frost giants getting into the vault, okay? You set Thor up to think it was his idea to go to Jotunheim when you should have been talking him out of it. Odin will kill both of you and feed you to his ravens."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, I could have talked him out of it. But how else would Father see what a mistake it would be to make him king?"

"I knew it!" Sigrun yelled, throwing her hands up.

"You were always so perceptive, my love."

"And you are always so obvious."

"Thankfully, only to you."

"For now." Sigrun stared at him as if she had only just met him. How could he have gone this far?

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered.

Loki's face softened., "I couldn't tell you. If anything were to happen, you'd be safe by not knowing."

"But Loki-"

Thor's heavy fist pounded on Loki's door., "Come on Loki! Let's go!"

"I have to go," Loki said seriously.

"I can't help you… I won't," Sigrun said stubbornly, blocking the door.

"I know…and I won't make you do anything you don't want to do." Loki cupped her face in his hand, smiling softly as she leaned into it. "But, I am going to tell a guard to go to Odin as soon as we leave; make sure that happens."

"No." Her eyes widened with the recognition of his whole plan.

"Sigrun, it's more for our safety than anything. What chance do the six of us stand against the frost giants, especially if Thor gets a chance to run his mouth?."

Sigrun only nodded but found she couldn't lift her eyes from the ground, and moved out of the way.

She thought the guilt would consume her.

Sigrun could hear the Bifrost whirl to life as Loki and the others departed. She squeezed her eyes shut until the light it cast on the stone walls disappeared.

Sitting on Loki's bed, she drew her knees up to her chest; had she provoked this? She had sided with him from the beginning for him to be king, but did he really think she would side him on this? As much as she didn't want Thor to become Allfather, a set up wasn't fair.

It hurt her to think that Loki had lied to her. He had promised since they were small that he would never do that to her…but he had. She realized now she should have acted on her gut feeling that something was wrong and forced him to tell her- maybe then she could have pulled him back.

Maybe she still could…their future was more important than the crown of Asgard.

Or she hoped.

She jumped as a roar of anger came from the throne room, followed by Odin's bellows. Sigrun ran as fast as she could out of Loki's room, down the stairs, and followed him as he stormed to the Bifrost.

"Did you know about this?" he barked back at her when he realized she was behind him.

"Know about what?"

Odin scoffed angrily, "Oh, you are more like Loki every day!"

Sigrun said nothing as they reached the BiIfrost.

"Wait here," Odin commanded. As she had never seen Odin this angry, she didn't even consider disobeying.

It seemed like an eternity until Odin departed; until when the Bifrost whirled to life and Odin and the others walked from the bright light.

"Get him to the healing room!"

Hogun and Volstagg each had an arm on Fandral as they helped him along. Sif cast a look to Thor who was arguing with Odin and followed the others.

"We could have destroyed them, Father!"

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" Odin roared.

Sigrun moved to Loki's side, who was watching his brother and father, barely breathing.

"The Frost Giants need to be taught a lesson! And all they were taught today is that our King is a foolish, weak, old man!"

"Thor!" Sigrun yelled, desperate for him to shut his mouth.

Odin was silent for a moment, "You are right, I was foolish…foolish enough to think you could be king." He took a few careful steps toward Thor and placed an old, weathered hand on his shoulder. A heartbeat passed before he began ripping the ancient sigils off Thor's armor. "You are not worthy of this realm, not worthy of your title of a prince!" Odin turned to open the Bifrost.

Sigrun's stomach dropped. "Loki, do something!" she tugged at his arm, but she could almost hear his heart thumping wildly.

"Not worthy of the power you possess!" Odin continued, as he called Mjolnir to him and Thor's armor fell off of him.

"Loki!" Sigrun begged, but he didn't hear her.

"I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!" Odin summoned a surge of energy that pushed Thor from Asgard, followed by a speeding flash, then all was silent.

Sigrun stood, rooted in place. Loki and Odin had long since left, and Heimdal had retaken up his post and was staring silently across the realms.

She willed her legs to move, but they seemed weighed down by guilt and anger. If Thor had come to this on his own, she would not be so tormented.

Except he wasn't; Loki was. He had planned the whole thing; she knew now that where he kept disappearing to during the planning of the coronation was Jotunheim, and why he had been so calm and collected.

This also meant he weighed the consequences of getting slaughtered by frost giants or getting caught by Odin over their future together.

And that was the thought that got her legs moving.

"We should never have gone," Volstagg's voice came from a large sitting room on the first floor of the palace. Sigrun caught sight of Loki standing in the shadows.

"We never could have stopped him," Sif replied sadly.

Sigrun ducked into the room and joined Loki, who was staring intently at the ruined armor on his forearm.

"How did Odin know?" Fandrall was peeking at his wound underneath the clean white bandage.

"Someone must have told him," Hogun's deep gravelly voice came from a chair by the fire pit.

"I told them," Loki said, tearing his eyes from his hands, not looking at Sigrun.

"You told-" Sif started.

"Yes, I told a guard to tell Odin after we had left, incompetent ass shouldn't have taken so long; we are all lucky we weren't killed."

Everyone stared at him.

"I had no idea that Father would banish Thor."

"Loki, you must speak with your father."

"I can't do that! You saw how he acted today, rash and arrogant, he has endangered Asgard! That is not what this realm needs of its king!" Loki spat, and sulked from the room.

"He speaks of the good of Asgard, but he has always been jealous of Thor," Sif said quietly as they watched Loki turn a corner.

"Laufey said there were traitors in Asgard," Hogun looked to each one of them.

"Come one, Loki's always been one for trouble, but you are suggesting something else entirely," Fandral's voice carried in Sigrun's ear as she ran after Loki.

"They are suspicious of you," she panted when she caught up with him.

"Who?"

"Sif and the others."

Loki scoffed, "They wouldn't know their asses from a hole in the ground."

"Where are we going?" Sigrun was surprised to find them in the hall that led to the stairs down to the vault.

"I need to see something."

"No, what you need to do is go talk to Odin."

"Sigrun."

"No, Loki! This isn't right!"

Loki said nothing as they descended the steps, despite her constant pleas.

They finally came to a stop at the casket.

"This is what the frost giants were trying to steal?"

Loki nodded silently and picked up the casket.

Almost at once, his skin began to turn blue, lined with tribal markings. Sigrun reached out a shaky hand to touch him but pulled back almost immediately with a gasp of pain. She examined the tips of her fingers that had already begun to form blisters from the intense cold.

"Loki." She was petrified, and that same emotion was in Loki's eyes as the bright red met her blue.

"Stop!" A voice rang through the vault coming from the stairs. Shakily, Sigrun turned to see Odin standing on the stairs.

"Am I cursed?" Loki's voice trembled with anger and fear. A long pause followed.

"No."

"Then what?" Loki placed the casket back onto the pedestal and turned to show his father what he had become.

"You are my son."

"No, I am not." Loki began to walk slowly to Odin and stopped before the stairs. Sigrun followed, her breath coming in short, quiet gasps. "That damned casket wasn't the only thing you took, was it?" His voice was shaking now.

"No…" Odin said quietly.

"Tell me."

"After everything, we searched the palaces and temples…, we found a baby…"

"A baby…" Loki said quietly. Sigrun didn't want to hear any more, she knew what was coming before it was even said.

"Laufey's son," Odin confirmed.

"Laufey's son…" Loki repeated quietly, tears began to swim in his eyes., The anger in his face fell away, and he looked like a petrified child. "Why did you take me? What purpose would I have served you?"

Odin was thoughtful for a moment. "I thought, eventually, we could unite the realms with you…; bringing a permanent peace to everyone."

"So where I truly belong is in this vault! Locked up, until I would be useful to you! Like everything else you have collected!" he said, gesturing to the other relics around him.

"None of that has mattered for a long time. You are my son."

"I am not!" Loki roared, tears flowing freely now.

Sigrun reached out a hand to touch him, to try and comfort him, but he shook her off.

"It makes every bit of sense now," he continued, his voice rising with every word. "Why you overlooked me for all these years, a Jotun runt!"

"Loki…" Odin looked suddenly very tired and reached out to him.

"All these years, I never had a chance did I?!" Odin was falling to the floor, still reaching for his son. Sigrun was frozen where she stood. "You never would have let me have the throne! You would never have let a frost giant sit on the throne of Asgard!" Loki screamed, spit flying from his mouth, as Odin finally collapsed unconscious on the stairs.

A heartbeat passed, and Loki's face softened.

"What are we going to do?" Sigrun said in a small voice, breathless.

Loki bent and reached out to touch his father. It felt like a thousand boulders had settled in her stomach, and with each breath she took it she thought she could feel them being tossed about.

"Loki, we have to call someone."

He looked at her for a long second and then back to his father, and began to call for help. As the guards filed in, Sigrun and Loki backed away watching them work and begin to carry Odin away.

Sigrun almost forgot how angry she was at Loki as she slid a shaking hand into his, wincing at the burning and tingling of her injured finger tips.

"I love you," sShe said firmly, her voice echoing off the walls.

He gathered her into his arms, and held her desperately, like a drowning man clinging to a life raft in the middle of the most treacherous ocean.


	17. A Drop In the Ocean

* * *

**It's just a drop in the ocean**   
**A change in the weather**   
**I was prayin' that you and me might end up together**   
**It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert**   
**But I'm holding you closer than most**   
**Cause you are my heaven**

_**Ron Pope- "Drop In The Ocean"** _

Hours later, Sigrun was with Loki in his chambers. He had spoken very little of what had happened, and their lovemaking had been fierce, rough and desperate. Loki trying to drive away every thought and wishing to keep new ones from entering, while Sigrun wanted nothing more than to comfort him.

After, Loki fell finally to sleep, his head resting on a pillow, his arms wrapped tightly about her, as she listened to his heartbeat with an ear pressed against his chest. Turning to look up at him, she was relieved to see that his features were finally peaceful; his handsome face finally smoothed out and no longer contorted with anger.

 _Frost giant_ , she thought to herself. It sounded weird in her head.

"Frost giant." It sounded even more so when she whispered it aloud. The two seemingly simple words got hitched in her throat and stumbled off her tongue when she said them.

 _Frost giant_.

Looking at Loki, she tried to make the connection that somehow she must have known; no one else in the palace seemed to know or treated him any differently. She remembered stories of the frost giants Frigga and Odin told them as children, the same stories parents all over Asgard told their children. Monsters and beasts that laid waste to any and every land they had set foot on. Sigrun tried to remember the fear she had felt after hearing those stories; she was always afraid of a frost giant being under the bed. It seemed impossible that Loki, her best friend, was one of these stories that made her tremble as a child.

Odin's plan had backfired; that was obvious enough. She wondered at what point his idea to use Loki as a peace tool disappeared and was replaced with wanting to raise him as his own, and why he and Frigga never told him what he was.

_Monster._

She ran her fingers through his long black hair as he murmured in his sleep. No, this couldn't be right. She shivered and drew the blanket tighter around them, thinking if it was the revelation of the past day that made him seem cooler than usual.

Frigga never treated him any different, or her, for that matter. Sigrun remembered the day Frigga brought the two boys into her room and introduced them as her new brothers. Thor was impressive even then, and Loki had peered out from behind his mother. He was dark and quiet, but the smile he gave her stayed with her. She couldn't remember her home or her family here and now, but she remembered that.

The coolness from his body was overwhelming.

Sigrun untangled herself from his arms and wrapped herself in a blanket. She made for the balcony, wincing slightly from the ache between her legs. She settled herself in the soft lounge chair and watched the sky become lighter as dawn approached.

She wrapped her arms around her body in an effort to hold herself together. Her emotional state had nothing to do with Loki being a Frost Giant; that didn't change him being hers. It was what he did to Thor; it was how it seemed getting even with Thor and getting to rule Asgard seemed to be more important over her. She couldn't believe that he would risk the safety of their future for the crown—if he was caught in his scheme, she may never see him again. And that thought sliced at her insides.

Frigga, along with the stories to scare the three of them into behaving, also told them stories about soulmates, how the Greeks had believed that the first humans were created with four arms, four legs, and four eyes… They had two noses and two mouths and that terrified Zeus. He believed they had eminent powers and feared there would come a day when one would take his place as ruler, and to prevent such an incident from ever occurring, Zeus split each human in half and left them to wander aimlessly around the mortal world searching for their other half. Sigrun had tried to imagine what such a being would look like, but it only left her, Thor, and Loki rolling in laughter for no shorter than 20 minutes.

She had always thought of her and Loki as soulmates…

But did that mean she had to stand by his side during this?

"What are you doing out here?" Loki asked. The sun was just peaking over Asgard's mountains, casting everything in a pink hue; she hadn't heard his bare feet approach.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"A lot of things."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Vague."

"Come here." She unwrapped herself from the blanket so he could lay next to her. They laid in silence for a while.

"Is it about…what we found out?" she could hear the fear in his voice.

"No," she replied firmly.

"Thor?"

Sigrun gave a sharp nod; she could see his face harden out of the corner of her eye.

"It had to be this way."

"But it didn't! If Thor was going to mess up his chance to be king he would have done so, on his own. You set him up, Loki!"

"And what about me? Now, it's clear from the start that Odin had no intention of giving me a chance, even if he thought Thor was a bad choice. He lied to me my whole life. If anyone was set up to fail, it was me."

"Do you want this?" she gestured to the palace and the realm that lay below them. "More than our future together? Because to me it's not as important."

"But it's for us! For you and me together! This is our future Sigrun; it's how I've always seen it."

"I don't want it this way."

"Sigrun, please."

"We should probably get dressed and see Frigga," Sigrun said stiffly.

Loki didn't say anything as he got up, and as Sigrun watched his naked back disappear as he pulled a shirt over his head, she wished she felt like she could stand by him.

* * *

As they walked to Odin's chambers, the mood was solemn throughout the palace. With Thor banished and Odin in his deep sleep, which no one was prepared for, things were pretty grim.

"I can never get used to seeing him like this." Loki sat at Odin's bedside, looking across his body to Frigga.

"I won't hide that I am not afraid. With Thor…and we were so unprepared for this, it is all hard on his body," Frigga said sadly, looking at her husband.

Sigrun sat quietly by Loki's side, watching him closely.

"Why did he lie?"

"We didn't want you to feel different; you are our son. I had asked him to be honest with you from the beginning as there should be no secrets in a family. We are your family…you must know that. You must not lose hope that your father will return to us. And your brother."

Loki looked taken aback, "What hope is there for Thor?"

"There is always a purpose to what your father does."

Frigga didn't notice the change in Loki's features from sadness to muted disappointment. He cast Sigrun a quick sidelong glance and stood, just as the doors opened.

Several of Agard's soldiers were in formation just outside, and Sigrun had the heart-stopping idea that they had found out Loki's plans. But when Asgard's high priest bowed before Loki, offering him Gungnir, he turned back to his mother, shocked beyond words.

"Thor is banished, and until Odin awakens, Asgard's line of succession falls to you," Frigga said loudly.

With trembling hands, Loki took Gungnir and looked to Sigrun, who had joined him at his side.

"Make your father proud, my King."

Frigga's voice barely cut through the whirling static in Sigrun's mind, and she was vaguely aware of bowing in a deep curtsey in front of Loki before she ran from the bed chamber, wanting to get as far away from him as possible.

* * *

"Sigrun, you must convince Loki to bring Thor back." Sif and the Warriors Three had cornered Sigrun in the throne room; she had darted in the room when she saw them coming down the hall.

" Loki won't think it wise as Thor almost caused a war with Jotunheim," Sigrun said, trying not to meet their eyes.

"But Sigrun-"

"You can't expect Loki, as a new King, to undo the former king's last order. Imagine what would happen if he did so, and Odin were to wake up. He would probably have ravens peck Loki's eyes out. Odin had a purpose in banishing Thor; as much as we don't like it, we don't need to understand it. It is what it is," Sigrun hated how the lies flowed from her mouth so easily, especially when what she wanted to tell them was to go and bring Thor home, so everything could be fixed, but she couldn't.

"Sigrun couldn't have said it any better than I could have," Loki's smooth voice came from where he stood, arm draped over the back of the throne. She thought he must have used his magic to sneak in without anyone's notice.

"But surely the two of you-"

"No!"

After a few curt bows, Sif, and the others backed away.

"Thank you," Loki said quietly.

"For what?"

"What you said."

"I didn't like saying it. And you do know they suspect you. Sif does anyway, so it won't take much for her to get the others to see that."

"Oh, they don't know-"

"I know, I know, they don't know their asses from a hole in the ground. But damn it Loki, this isn't worth it to me! Why can't you just give it up? We can leave here, leave Thor and Odin if that's what you want, but please," Sigrun's voice broke.

"But I am doing this for us!"

"I think you keep saying that to convince yourself, not me."

"Come on, Sig." He sat on the throne, arms spread to gesture around him. "You are telling me you don't want to be my queen?"

"Not like this I don't. I, unlike you, don't like lying."

"Come here." He held out a hand. Sigrun hesitated before taking it, and he pulled her into his lap.

"Remember those stories Mother used to tell us?" he asked.

"Yes, I was thinking about them this morning before you woke up."

"I think we knew what we were each other before we realized it. I mean, I remember better, that day when mother told us about our new little sister… Thor had a fit because you were a girl. But I was excited to have someone who was more on my level. I was hardly out of the nursery, but when I saw you…I mean, of course, it's different from now, but…Gods Sig, I knew even then. We are soulmates. We have to be; what else could explain us?"

"I don't know."

Loki held his hand flat against hers; her fingers only came halfway up his long, slender digits.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Sigrun replied quietly.

"Everything will be okay, I promise," he swore. Sigrun buried her face in the crook of his neck, and he held her there for a long time afterward.


	18. Eavesdrop

**I don't want to talk right now**

**I just want your arms wrapped around**

**Me and this moment before it runs out**

**Oh, don't say that it's over**

**Oh, no, say it ain't so**

**Let's let the stars watch, let them stare**

**Let the wind eavesdrop, I don't care**

**For all that we've got, don't let it go**

**Just hold me**

**I can't pull you closer than this**

**It's just you and the moon on my skin**

**Oh, who says it ever has to end**

**Oh, don't say that it's over**

**Oh, no, say it ain't so**

**Let's let the stars watch, let them stare**

**Let the wind eavesdrop, I don't care**

**For all that we've got don't let go**

_**The Civil Wars - Eavesdrop** _

* * *

Sigrun avoided Loki for the next day. She couldn't stand watching him perform the Kingly duties in the throne room. Thankfully, Frigga was always close by if he needed help or advice, which Sigrun found only slightly more comforting.

She felt on edge constantly—waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for Thor to return, or waiting for someone to find out what Loki had done. The churning in her stomach wouldn't ease even when she tried to sleep. Loki had looked at her with concern that first night as she just pushed her dinner around on her plate, but had said nothing. She had taken to giving him deep, exaggerated bows, something she had never even done for Odin, and she relished in the fact that he was always deeply annoyed.

The palace was eerily quiet tonight. Sigrun could hear the uninterrupted drone of the small clock that was on her bedside table; the light from the moon shone on the clock face, which told her it was nearing midnight. With a sigh, she tossed back her covers and swung her feet over the edge of the bed and onto the cool stone floor, causing goose bumps to form on her legs. Grabbing her warmest robe, she crept into the hall and walked the several paces to Loki's room.

Despite everything, she missed him; she missed being able to talk to him. He was her absolute best friend, and she was tired of feeling utterly alone. She didn't bother knocking before she turned the handle. Loki wasn't there, and there was no reason that she could think of, no good reason anyway, that he would be anywhere else at this hour. Wrapping her robe around her body tighter still, she made for the lounge chair on the balcony to wait for him to return.

* * *

_**Loki's POV** _

Loki's previous trips to Jotenheim had been much different. Back then, there was the thrill in the plan of ruining Thor's coronation and fear mixed with excitement when they traveled there and the fight ensued, but now he felt repulsed by the ice and snow that crunched beneath his boots. As he squinted through the dark and the heavy fall of snow, he wanted nothing more than to go home; but, he was on a mission.

"You slay Odin where he lies, giving me absolute rule over Asgard and, for your trouble, I will return the casket to you, so you can return Jotenheim to all of it's…uh…" Loki paused for effect, a smirk on his face, "former glory."

"Why not just kill the old man yourself?" Laufey asked.

"I don't think the people of Asgard would be so taken with me if they learned I had killed my own father."

Laufey considered him for a long moment. Loki kept himself cool and calm on the outside, but internally he longed to lash out at the father who had abandoned him as much as the father who had lied to him. Every ounce in his body was repulsed looking at the giant before him, knowing this was the creature that sired him.

"I accept your terms," Laufey said finally, pulling Loki to the present.

"Good. I will return when the time is right." Loki turned to leave.

"It's a shame," Laufey spoke, almost as an afterthought. "If I had known you had been this useful, I would not have left you in that temple."

Loki's back stiffened, frozen in his tracks, but did not turn around.

"When they told me your mother died giving birth to you, I had hoped that meant what it had meant for generations in our bloodline. You know, do you not, that blood doesn't count for shit in regards to royalty here; it is dependent on size and ferocity to lead. My mother perished giving birth to me, and same for my father and that goes back more generations still. But when I looked at you," Laufey sneered, "You were small, insignificant, a waste of a perfectly good giantess. She could have yet still birthed the next line of my family, yet all she produced was you."

Loki's entire body ached as he tried to keep from shaking in anger. He would have liked nothing else than to kill that son of a bitch here and now, but he knew he would have no chance of surviving; the other giants would have him dead before Laufey would hit the ground.

"Glad I can be of service," he replied with a small jerk of the head.

Loki's heavy steps got him to the Bifrostsight in record time, and as he called for Heimdal, he greatly considered throwing himself from the icy ledge into the darkness below.

* * *

"Another trip to Jotenheim?" Sigrun's voice came from the lounge chair on Loki's balcony. She had waited for him to change out of his armor and into his sleeping clothes before speaking.

"I didn't know you were here." Loki replied, jumping slightly, now noticing her silhouette.

"Nice avoidance of the question."

"Yes, Sigrun, I went to Jotenheim. There is still a war to avoid," he snapped.

"A war you very well could have caused."

"One Thor caused. And that's all people need to know."

Sigrun swung her legs over to the side of the chair, stood, and walked to the door.

"Aren't you staying?" Loki asked when her hand touched the handle.

She almost felt guilty about not wanting to stay, but she knew she couldn't betray her feelings. She moved in to give him a deep kiss that caused a rumble to come from his chest, and after breaking apart, Sigrun turned and left without giving him a chance to say anything else.

* * *

Sigrun felt caged in everywhere she went. An overwhelming feeling of sadness suffocated her; she needed to get out of the palace and get to somewhere open.

Hurrying down the hall to the main doors, she heard loud voices coming from a room to her right.

"Don't confuse my appetite for apathy!" Volstag shouted.

"Stop fighting!" Sif's voice rang out.

"Are you supporting this? Look how much he's eaten! He doesn't seem to even care that we are on the brink of war and Loki is on the throne, "Fandral sounded astonished at Sif's defense of Volstag.

"Well, we aren't going to fix anything standing here arguing with one another!" she replied.

Sigrun cracked the door open.

"We should go rescue Thor," Hogun stated as if none of them hadn't thought of it themselves.

"It's treason."

"Not to mention suicide," Volstag said, taking an anxious bite out of a turkey leg.

"Thor would do the same for us," Sif said in a quiet voice.

"You need to go get him," Sigrun said quietly. There was a collective gasp as the others turned to see her standing in the doorway.

"What?" Sif eyed her suspiciously.

"I said you need to go and bring Thor back. Loki is planning something, and whatever it is…it can't be good." Guilt stormed inside her for betraying him; her chest felt tight.

"How do we know this isn't a trick? You hang around Loki enough! How do we know you aren't sending us there as an excuse for Loki to banish us, or have us killed for treason?" Sif demanded.

"Because I was never for this in the first place and if I had known…I would never have let him go through with it."

"You seemed pretty into his schemes the other day in the throne room," Fandral countered.

"I didn't like doing it…I felt cornered…I didn't know what to say."

Sigrun kept her eyes fixed on the floor, but she knew she had six pairs of eyes fixated on her.

"Either way, we have to be quiet; Heimdal may be watching us and he would be sure to tell Loki of our plan." Volstag glanced around at all of them.

"I would think he would be suspicious of Loki as well. I don't think he would be an obstacle."

"He would be obligated to tell Loki we had gone," Sif said, still clearly not trusting Sigrun.

There were heavy footsteps approaching behind Sigrun, so she moved out of the way.

"Lord Heimdal requests your presence," the guard declared in a strong voice.

"We're dead." Volstag voiced what they were all thinking.

"I'll try to keep Loki distracted, just bring my brother back," Sigrun called over her shoulder as she vanished out the door.

* * *

Sigrun ran back to Loki's rooms with the intention of distracting him from realizing the others had left.

"You came back! Why are you so out of breath?" Loki asked after Sigrun closed the door behind her.

"Out of shape?"

"You know, you could ask Sif to do some training with you. I'm sure she wouldn't mind," he suggested.

"Yeah, maybe."

The guilt monster reared its ugly head as she crawled on top of him, straddling his hips.

"I thought you were still mad at me?"

"Shhh." Sigrun pressed her lips to his, running her tongue along his thin bottom lip, causing Loki to moan as his mouth opened and his hips moved upward. Unable to help herself, Sigrun rolled her hips downward to match his.

As their breathing filled the room, Loki sat up with Sigrun still in his lap. She allowed him to slip her robe down, and off her arms, and her nightgown to be pulled over her head. Both articles of clothing were tossed on the floor. The cool air and Loki's hands made her nipples harden almost immediately, and he wasted no time in moving his lips to her breasts. Sigrun tangled her fingers in his long hair, continuing to roll her hips downward, willing the rest of their clothing to disappear.

"What the-"

Sigrun made a noise of protest as Loki's mouth and hands stopped gliding over her skin; Loki was staring at something behind her, and with a turn of her head she realized he could see the Bifrost, which had just whirled to life.

"Oh fuck," she whispered.

"You knew about-"

Sigrun couldn't say anything; her guilt had its hand around her vocal cords.

Loki pushed Sigrun off of him, spewing curse words as he grabbed Gungnir and made for the door. Sigrun scrambled for her clothes and hastily pulled them over her head, following Loki.

"Loki, stop!" she cried, hardly able to keep up with him.

"Loki!"

Loki marched to the stairs that led to the vault and used his magic to lock the door behind him, leaving Sigrun pounding the stone door with her fists.

"FUCK!" Why didn't she think that Loki's room had one of the best views of the Bifrost? Why hadn't she thought to draw the curtains to the balcony?

She tried repeatedly to use her magic to unlock the door, but compared to Loki's magic, she might as well have been doing nothing.

It seemed like an eternity before the doors swung open, nearly knocking Sigrun over, and Loki stepped into the hall looking angrier than ever.

"Loki, what did you do?" Sigrun's voice trembled.

"What I had to do; I sent the destroyer. Let's see the mighty Thor and your precious friends survive this," he snarled.

Sigrun watched with wide, terrified eyes as he swept away from her. In that moment, she was sure she had lost him for good.


	19. The Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to some awesome reviews, I am finally posting a new chapter to this story.

**And you would let me dry your hair**   
**I thought about you everywhere**   
**I haven't been the same since then**   
**Just friends**

**Cause every time I ran**  
 **I ran to you**  
 **I meant it every time I said I loved you**  
 **I kiss the thought of you and** I  
 **I still regret the day that we said goodbye**

**And do you think of me at night**   
**I still wish we could've made it right**   
**You can't say that I never tried**   
**I guess everything seems more clear**   
**Here on the other side**

_**Tonight Alive - The Other Side** _

* * *

How Sigrun found her way back to her chambers she would never know. Her lungs felt like they were on fire as they screamed for air between her sobs and her eyes were blinded by tears; she felt like she was drowning.

She thought by bringing Thor back they could bring Loki back from the edge but all Loki saw was that she had betrayed him, that she had chosen Thor over him. Just like everyone else had. The hatred she saw in his eyes when he looked at her was seared into her brain. Sigrun couldn't make it to the bed and collapsed on the cold stone floor where she continued to weep until her body was exhausted enough for her body to sleep.

Sigrun thought she was dreaming when a familiar sensation of cold hands pulled her up from the floor; a voice she recognized was murmuring something but her brain felt so dehydrated from crying it wasn't registering.

"Loki?" She murmured.

"I'm here, Sig."

"Why?"

"Because I love you," He replied simply, laying her gently on her bed and covering her with warm blankets.

"Why?" She asked again.

"I told you before, I wouldn't make you do anything you didn't want to do. You didn't what you felt was right…even though I don't understand it."

Sigrun swallowed hard at the hurt look on his face, "I'm sorry."

"Don't ever be sorry, I would never forgive myself if I changed you to do something you didn't think was right."

"But…"

"Shhhh," He kissed her gently, using his thumb to wipe the few stray tears her body had the energy to produce from her cheek.

"I have to go, I just wanted to make sure you were safe…here. And that you stay here." He added firmly.

"Why?"

"I just need you to stay here. No matter what. Please?"

Sigrun considered him, "Loki…"

"Please, Sigrun!" His eyes suddenly frantic.

"Okay…"

"I'll be back. I promise." He kissed her a final time before rushing out of her room; leaving Sigrun reeling.

She needed air and the blankets felt constricting, throwing them off of her she walked quickly to the balcony…just in time to see Loki's silhouette walking from the Bifrost; followed by several hulking figures.

* * *

Sigrun ran from the room, unnerved by how silent the halls were and none of the guards seemed to notice as she ran past them. Her gut told her where she needed to go. She entered Odin's chambers in time to see Frigga be tossed aside like a rag doll.

"Frigga!" Darting forward, she suddenly stopped when an ice cold hand grabbed her throat causing her vision to go dark around the edges as her oxygen was immediately cut off; the giant tossed her aside as easily as swatting a fly. Stars exploded in front of her eyes as the back of her head hit the stone wall; she could feel the blood begin to flow down her shoulders before her body even hit the floor.

She struggled to move to where Frigga lay but a large heavy foot pinned her to the floor, "Stay put," Sigrun stopped struggling petrified that if the giant applied any more pressure her spine would snap.

"They say you can still hear and see what goes on around you." A voice made Sigrun's eyes turn to Odin's bed, where a frost giant, much larger than the others, straddling Odin with an ice blade in his hand, ready to strike, "I hope that's true so that you will know your end came by the hand of Laufey." Laufey, the name exploded in Sigrun's brain. She saw the shadow of a hand with a blade rising above Odin.

There was a flash of fire as Laufey was blasted off of Odin, "And you end came from the son of Odin." Loki's voice rang proudly, another flash of bright flame and Laufey was nothing but ash. The creature pinning Sigrun to the floor roared in anger, she could have sworn she could feel her bones beginning to snap before he met the same end as his king.

"Oh, Loki! You saved him!" Frigga leapt up from the floor and threw her arms around her son, while Sigrun sat up, causing her head to spin and fresh blood to fall from the wound; her hair was matted to the back of her head from the blood already drying.

"I told you to stay in your room," Loki whispered as he helped her to her feet.

"I know." A cool hand cupped the back of her head, the wound felt warm as Loki's magic helped speed along her Asgardian traits of healing knit her skin back together (something she always lagged behind on), "Thanks…"

"Thor!" Frigga's was full of shock as Loki and Sigrun turned to see their brother being hugged by Frigga.

"Why don't you tell her, Loki?" Thor nodded toward Frigga.

"Its good to see you," Loki replied.

"Why don't you tell them how you sent the destroyer to kill me and our friends?"

"Loki?" Frigga looked at Loki with new eyes.

"It's good to have you back brother. But if you'll excuse me, I am off to destroy Jotunheim." A heartbeat passed, and then Loki used the Gungnir to blast Thor out of sight.


	20. Chapter 20

_**In these moments of loss and torment** _

_**When the vast skies don't seem to call to you** _

_**When the weight of this world bears down** _

_**And the stars have fallen like tears** _

_**I am with you always,** _

_**From the darkness of night until the morning** _

_**I am with you always,** _

_**From life until death takes me** _

_**Killswitch Engage- "Always"** _

* * *

The world moved around Sigrun in slow motion; healers and Odin's top officials swarmed the room along with most of the palace guards.

"I'm fine," Frigga said, brushing off worried hands checking her over for wounds, "Just check the Allfather."

"How could they have gotten this far?"

"Loki knows his concealment spells."

"How could he have done this to his own people?"

The conversation took on a buzzing sound in her mind—she could feel everyone watching her, wondering how much she knew of Loki's plan and if she had helped him.

"Are you alright?" Frigga took Sigrun by the shoulders, but she found she couldn't speak.

"Sigrun?" she asked again, shaking her slightly.

"I'm fine," Sigrun mumbled. She felt hands searching the back of her head.

"She lost a lot of blood but the wound has healed, which is unusual for her," Eir said.

"Loki…helped."

"Oh," Eir sounded surprised, "Well, that's a good thing then."

"Sigrun, did you know what Loki was planning?" Frigga asked urgently in a hushed voice.

"No, I swear I didn't."

"Look at the Bifrost!" One of Odin's generals yelled, pointing at the swirling sphere.

"It can't be focused like that for so long…" Frigga joined the others on the balcony.

The ground under them began to quake in steady beats.

"What in the nine…"

"Hands off!" Odin's voice startled them all as they turned and saw him fighting off the healers. He used his magic to clad himself in armor and ran from his chambers before any of them could process what had happened.

Instinct told Sigrun to run, and she sprinted as fast as she could after Odin; a small part of her brain wondered at how fast the old man could run. They flew through the city streets, weaving in and out of people who had stepped out of their homes to watch the Bifrost, their children letting out startled wails each time the ground shook.

The houses and people thinned out as they got closer to the bridge . They could hear Loki's screams at Thor taunting him…mocking him. When their feet hit the rainbow bridge, they caught sight of Thor raising his arm to strike the bridge with Mjölnir .

"Loki!" Sigrun screamed. Loki turned and saw Thor's hammer strike fall in slow motion.

The blast knocked them off their feet as the bridge splintered and cracked; how Odin ever managed to remain upright, she could never understand. She crawled the rest of the way to where the bridge splintered and where Odin kneeled, holding on to Thor's leg who held on to his brother, dangling over the abyss below.

"I could have done it, Father! For you!" Loki's eyes found hers, "For all of us."

"Loki!" Sigrun sobbed, reaching a hand toward him but he was still too far below to reach.

"No, Loki," Odin murmured.

Sigrun saw the expression in Loki's face change. She knew what was going to happen even before he let go.

Thor screamed in anguish, watching his brother fall into the blackness below. Something in her body snapped and surged—electric and terrifying, causing her heart to race. Odin pulled Thor back over the ledge as people converged on them, and each time she felt hands trying to pull her away, she could feel the pain spike, causing whoever it was to yelp in agony and drop their hands.

"Let her be," Frigga's pained voice cut through the static in Sigrun's mind. And although she couldn't move her eyes from the spot where she saw Loki disappear—she knew she was alone.

* * *

Her muscles began to tighten as the sun and eventually the moon danced across the sky. She had no idea how long she had been kneeling in that spot, but she didn't care, nor did she have the will to move. Somewhere deep inside, her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she was still breathing, so she pushed the feeling aside. It was too difficult to comprehend a world where she existed and Loki did not. Her magic continued to rush through her nerves unchecked; even in this state, that was the only thing that made sense of the static and electricity.

She heard movement behind her. "Come on Sig, let's get you inside," Thor said gently as he picked her up. She could feel his body tense with each wave of her magic, and even though she didn't mean to hurt him, she couldn't get control of it.

"That doesn't feel too nice." He tried to sound light, but she could hear that he was in pain.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"It's okay. Mother says you will eventually tire yourself out."

Thor was right- by the time they reached the castle steps, her body felt almost normal again (if you didn't count the gaping hole in her chest). She relaxed in Thor's arms and rested her head in the corner of his neck. She was conscious of people watching as he carried her to her rooms, but she didn't care.

"Here you go." He laid her on her bed and brought the covers up to her chin. "You should drink some of this."

He handed her a cup and held her head up as she drank. The sleeping potion, or that's what she assumed it was, hit her like a ton of bricks, and as her eyes slid closed she heard Thor head for the door.

"Can you stay? Please?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Sure."

The last thing she heard was Thor dragging a chair to her bedside and a groan as he settled in before she let sleep wash over her.

* * *

Sun streamed through her window . She sat up, wincing and looking around. Thor was still sitting where he promised he would be. She felt her tears burn.

"Oh Thor, I'm so sorry," she started.

"Don't," Thor said, "There's no way you could have known how far Loki had gone."

" But I did…But things got too far, and I couldn't pull him back."

"You sent Sif and the others for me. If you hadn't done that, I would still be on Midgard."

 _And Loki would still be here,_ she thought.

Thor seemed to read her mind, "You know as well as I do that something changed in him. That wasn't my brother and that wasn't your Loki." She silently agreed.

Sigrun stretched, flexing her muscles. She felt sore, but nothing as bad as she had felt before.

"Thank you again for the potion."

"You are my sister; it was the least I could do," Thor said. He began to get up.

"What am I going to do, Thor? What am I supposed to do now?" she asked, desperately grabbing his arm.

"You go on living. You do what he can't." Turning to leave he stopped at the door. "There is a feast tonight; Mother and Father will expect you to be there."

"A party, you mean. Because Asgard is safe… because Loki is gone."

He looked at her sadly and nodded, leaving her alone.

* * *

She heard the celebration before she even entered the feast hall. Everyone was wearing their best dresses and armors—it made her stomach churn to see everyone so gleeful. Thor was bouncing from guest to guest with a smile on his face, but she was sure she was the only one who noticed that it didn't reach his eyes. Sigrun could feel people watching her as she moved through the hall—she wished she could just melt into the floor as her heart rate skyrocketed and her lungs tightened. She found Frigga standing alone, and it seemed that she was the only one who shared Sigrun's feelings.

"I wish I didn't have to be here," she murmured as she stood by her adoptive mother.

"Me too." Frigga admitted, "But unfortunately, it's our duty to be here."

"I don't see why we lost Loki…"

"The realm doesn't see it that way."

"I miss him…" She didn't want to cry in front of Frigga, but the tears came anyway.

"I know. So do I." Frigga wiped her tears away tenderly and swept her into a hug.

* * *

Months passed since Loki fell and Sigrun moved through life as a ghost. She ate with her family, but food had lost its flavor and she simply had no desire to eat. Sigrun spent most of her time walking along the beaches and exploring the woods of Asgard. No one bothered to offer to go with her anymore; she wasn't much company anyway. She had lost hope that nights would be her only solace as dreams of Loki visited her relentlessly. Always the same…always Loki falling through the darkness.

Tonight, Sigrun woke in a cold sweat and barely made it into her bathroom in time to vomit. She couldn't remember a single detail of the dream, but there was no denying the terror that trembled inside of her. She couldn't breathe and without knowing her destination she hurriedly left her rooms.

* * *

Loki's room was exactly how he had left it the last night they were together— the night she had betrayed him and set her plan into motion to bring Thor back. Not even the bed had been made.

She closed the door and leaned up against it as the memories charged at her. Everything screamed of Loki, her Loki. Books lay open on his table showing the last things he had read. The cracked leather cover had faded golden letters, " _The Odyssey_." The book was very old, but Loki had treated it gently. She went back the page that was opened and found the tale of an ancient Midgardian being sent on a quest because he angered his Gods. But neither Odin nor Thor were anywhere in this book. She remembered one night when Loki and she were having one of their late night discussions that he had mentioned many Midgardians had different beliefs of what Gods they worshiped.

_"So Odin is not a God to all Midgardians?" Sigrun had asked, flipping through a book Loki had handed her._

_"Only to a few," he said knowingly._

_"Wouldn't be simpler for them if they narrowed it down?" she had said jokingly._

_"They are simple creatures. Something amazing happens and there obviously has to be a God for that trivial thing. So silly."_

_"What of you? Who are you known as to the simple creatures?" Her eyes flashed at him._

_"Mischief," he said in a low voice._

_"Oh really." She waggled her eyebrows at him and shrieked when he pounced on her._

_"Would you like to see why?"_

_"I'm sure this mischief is different from that they mean," she said, giggling._

_"Maybe, but this is a lot more fun," and he kissed her so deeply she felt like she had turned to jelly._

A tear escaped from Sigrun's eye and splashed onto the yellowed, brittle pages of the book.

"Fuck!" She tried to wipe the water away before it left a stain. Her skin tingled when she touched the pages, trying to imagine how he used to read, turning the pages so delicately sometimes even she was jealous.

She moved over to his wardrobe and opened the doors, and his scent engulfed her. She tentatively reached out to touch the clothes still hanging, remembering the texture when she balled the fibers in her hands every time she pulled him close. Her eyes found the top that still had a tear from when he took her to a dark corner of the palace and ravished her fiercely. Sigrun fingered the torn fabric; her body ached for him.

She closed the doors quietly and walked slowly to the bed. How many nights had they spent there? Entwined and just purely and simply loving one another. Sigrun crawled into the bed and wrapped the covers around her; her heart pounded as she breathed him in, and her body shook when the memories of their last night invaded. Wrapped up in her Loki, she fell asleep, her first peaceful sleep since he fell.

"I thought I'd find you in here." Thor's voice woke Sigrun from her deep, dreamless sleep.

"What year is it?" She asked stupidly.

Thor chuckled, "It's almost dark again. You've slept the whole day away."

"Did I?"

"What are you doing in here?"

"I had a dream…about Loki," she said slowly. Thor looked at her sadly and sat down on the bed that creaked and caved under his weight.

"I had been having dreams since he fell…Do you think he could have survived?"

"Sig, I don't think that's possible. No one could have survived that, not even Loki." He shook his head. "And besides, Heimdal would have seen him."

"There were loads of times Heimdal couldn't see Loki, which is how he got into more than half of his trouble."

"True," he agreed, "I just don't think it's possible." He wrapped a large, heavy arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug, "You'll be okay, little sister."

"I hope so."

"Where have you been? You disappeared yesterday and no one could find you today. I was worried!" Frigga asked as soon as they sat at the table.

"I found her in Lo-" Thor started, but with a sharp kick from Sigrun under table sputtered, "In the library."

"Oh, Sigrun, why would you go to Loki's room?" Frigga looked at her sadly.

"Thanks," she snapped at Thor, who gave her an apologetic smile. "I just needed to be near his things, that's all."

"We really should—" Odin began to speak, but was cut off when a guard entered the hall. "Well, what is it?" he barked.

"A message from Lord Heimdal about Pri-about Loki, Allfather." the guard said.

It seemed as though all the air had been sucked from the room.

"What is it?" Odin spoke slowly.

"He is alive and on Midgard."


	21. Bird Without Wings

_Lately I've been feeling like a bird without it's wings,_   
_Tell me, how can one still fly without the other?_   
_My heart's missing a big part that only you can see,_   
_We tried so hard to patch the hole with friends and lovers._

_And I know you can save me, if I could learn to let go._   
_I've just gotta let go._

_I could ask you my questions but I know the answers,_   
_I know what's missing from this life._   
_I could search for the meaning, but I know what's waiting,_   
_I know I need you in this life._   
_There was a time when I could hear you calling out to me,_

_Was there so much noise it's gotten in the way?_   
_I know that I could be the girl you want me to be,_   
_I just pray that you still recognize my face.  
 **Bird Without Wings- The Material**_

* * *

Sigrun walked behind Thor, following Odin down into the vault; farther down than where even the most dangerous artifacts were kept. The ringing in her ears and the red seared across her mind almost made her completely oblivious to their mission—to send Thor to Midgard to bring Loki and something called the _tesseract_ home, but her mind was in such turmoil about Loki, she didn't listen when they were told of the situation.

Loki.

For months, she thought he was dead, lost in the endless expanse of space, when he was, in fact, alive—and, for all she knew, well. It infuriated her that he had been alive and that he hadn't tried to contact her; it gave the evil voice that resided in the back of her mind more ammunition to throw at her in her darkest hours—that Loki didn't love or care for her, that he blamed her for his downfall, that she should have just pushed him from the bridge herself, and that for all these reasons he wouldn't return to her.

Shaking her head, pushing those thoughts aside, she focused on the large form in front of her. She asked, "How does Odin expect to get you to Midgard without the Bifrost?"

"Father has access to dark magic…darker than most people even have knowledge. Although," he looked on to where Odin had just turned the corner, "I don't know if that is necessarily a good thing."

Sigrun silently agreed as the continued to follow Odin further down. When they came to a large stone door, Odin suddenly turned to them.

"You two will be the youngest people to enter this room in quite a long time," he said solemnly.

"If Thor is the one going to bring Loki back, then why am I here?" Sigrun asked bluntly, not impressed by Odin's statement. She didn't want to be here if she didn't have to be—she would rather be alone in her room with her self-loathing.

"You are needed," he replied simply, then pushed the doors open.

Sigrun looked up at Thor with her eyebrows raised. He shrugged in response and followed his father.

"Why am I needed?" she asked again.

"You will be joining Thor."

"Excuse me?" Sigrun stopped dead in her tracks and folded her arms across her chest. "Did you know about this?" she glared at Thor.

"No, I didn't."

"I would have thought you would have wanted to go." Odin scanned the shelves that covered the walls. Books of various sizes were stacked in rows—it reminded her of the secret room below the library and of Loki.

"I think it's a little presumptuous that you think I want to be where Loki is," she said stiffly.

Thor turned to look at her. "I know you don't mean that."

"What if I do?"

"Then we have to hope Thor wants to find him more than you do." Odin pulled an ancient tome from the shelf and began flipping through its pages.

Her heart raced as she realized she could just be moments from being face to face with truth was she didn't mean what she said, but it made her feel better to think she had a choice in the matter… and the way Thor and Odin looked at her made her think they knew that too.

"In the center of the circle," Odin ordered pointing.

As soon as they were in place, he began chanting and tapping his staff on the floor in rhythmic beats. Lines that they wouldn't have been seen on the floor before in the darkness came tolife in bright swirling colors, as Odin's chants picked up in ferocity. She jumped when Thor wrapped a strong arm around her middle and pulled her tight to him, but suddenly all her senses were filled with Loki, and if she didn't know any better, she would have thought it was Loki's long, slender arm around her—followed by the unpleasant sensation of flying through a too narrow tunnel.

* * *

Thunder cracked around them and when the familiar scent of Midgard hit her nostrils, she knew without a doubt where she metal was under their feet and the air was thin and cold as it whipped around them. Sigrun kneeled down to keep her balance as Thor tapped his hammer on the metal craft and her stomach leapt as their situation dawned on her—they were in the air!

The craft below them began to shake as the large door of the craft opened; Thor grabbed her arm and leapt down. Sigrun saw Loki's eyes widen in surprise when he saw Thor, then flicker to her for the briefest of seconds before focusing back to his brother. Sigrun glanced at the others in the cabin: a handsome man in a blue suit and another in clad in red and gold metal approached Thor, only to be beaten back by Mjölnir. Thor let go of her for a moment as he grabbed Loki by the throat, ripping him out his seat, and after grabbing Sigrun by the arm again, they leapt from the plane.

It seemed like they were falling through the air for hours, but reason told Sigrun it was only moments. She saw the ground cut through the clouds and growing closer with each second. Thor threw Loki to the ground before they hit so he had both hands to help Sigrun land.

"Thanks," she muttered as Loki groaned and laughed on the ground next to them, causing a shiver to crawl up her spine.

"Where is the tesseract?" Thor asked, turning back to Loki.

"Oh, I missed you too," Loki's voice sounded breathless.

Do I look to be in a gaming mood?"

"Oh, you should thank me! With the Bifrost destroyed, how much dark energy did your father have to conjure to get you here?"

Sigrun screamed in her mind for Loki to look at her but he didn't. It was like she wasn't there at all.

"We thought you dead," Thor rumbled in a low voice.

"Did you mourn?"

"We all did. Our father-"

"Your father. He did tell you of my true parentage, did he not?" Walking away from Thor, limping slightly, Loki paused, "What of Sigrun?" His tongue caressed her name; Sigrun's body purred at the sound.

Thor seemed taken aback by the question and looked at Sigrun and back to Loki.

"A part of her fell with you." He said slowly, "She is not the girl she was; she has wasted away; I have not heard nor seen her smile or laugh in such a long time."

Sigrun felt the weight of Thor's words; she hadn't realized how much she had fallen apart—but couldn't Loki see her for himself? Loki groaned. Sigrun wondered if he was remembering their stolen hours in dark corners of the palace.

"Brother-"

"Don't call me that!" Loki snarled, his face covered by shadow.

"You are my brother! We were raised together, we played and fought together! Do you remember none of that?"

"I remember being stuck in your shadow! Always overlooked by your greatness," Loki spat the last word.

"So you take this world that is under my protection? The world that I love, as recompense for your imagined slights?"

"Your protection?" Loki laughed at the words, "You do such a fine of protecting these worthless creatures while they slaughter themselves in immeasurable numbers."

"You mean to rule them?"

"Well, yes."

"Then you miss the point of ruling! A throne would not suit you." Loki let out a snarl and pushed Thor aside, walking dangerously close to Sigrun but still acting as though she wasn't there. "I have seen places and been to worlds you have never known about! I have grown strong in my exile, Odinson," he sneered the word, "I have seen the power of the tesseract, and when I wield it-"

"Who has shown you this power?" Thor asked, stepping toward Loki, "Who controls the would-be king?"

"I am a king!" Loki screamed.

"No! You give up this pointless dream, the tesseract, and you come home!"

Loki shook his head, "I don't have it. You need the cube to bring me home, and I've sent it off I know not where."

"You listen well, brother-" Thor pointed his hammer at Loki, and then a flash of red and fire; Thor was gone. Loki's eyes followed the direction Thor disappeared.

"I'm listening," he mocked.

Loki settled into the mountainside, watching the commotion below. Sigrun knew she should be worried about Thor, but she couldn't seem to think about anything other than the fact that Loki was only steps away.

"You always show up at the most inopportune times," Loki said, not looking at her, "It used to be a comfort…after…in the dungeons." He glanced at her over his shoulder, "But now I feel like you are simply judging me. Just like before."

"Dungeons?" she asked weakly.

Loki let out a low snarl, stood, and walked to her, "The last thing I need is my mind to conjure you up now; I don't need the distraction. Go away!" He waved a hand like he was swatting away a fly, but Loki froze when his skin touched her—nearly causing Sigrun to jump out of hers.

"What in the Hel?"

"All right, reindeer games, let's go." The man in the metal suit came up over the hill and stopped short when he caught sight of Sigrun, "And who is this?"

"My sister. She's with me," Thor explained shortly as Loki's eyes widened.

"The whole family," the man in the blue suit commented as he jerked Loki's arms around to shackle his hands together, "Let's go. Romanoff landed the plane just at the bottom of the mountain."

"Can I give you a hand m'lady?" a metal clad arm was offered to her.

"Leave her alone, Stark, she looks like she's had a time of it."

"Always the boy scout, Rogers," Stark retorted, patting the man in the blue suit on the shoulder.

Sigrun wordlessly grabbed a hold of Thor's arm as they climbed down the mountainside. They mainly walked in silence, with intermittent jabs from Stark about Thor's fighting abilities. When they reached the plane, Sigrun dropped Thor's arm as he and Rogers frog marched Loki back into the craft, and Stark explained to the pilot and a pretty red-headed woman about the two new arrivals. Rogers smiled gently at Sigrun and pointed at a place for her to sit—which happened to be across from Loki.

As the plane lifted into the air, she felt Loki's eyes on her, but found she couldn't lift hers up from the floor to meet them.


	22. Poison and Wine

_**I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back** _   
_**The less I give the more I get back** _   
_**Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise** _   
_**I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you** _

**The Civil Wars**

* * *

“Sigrun felt like they had been in the air for hours.  Thor got information from the others and filled them in what he knew of the tesseract, while she sat in painful silence, her eyes fixed on the metal grating on the floor—occasionally flicking to the soles of Loki’s boots.

“I guess it’s pretty lucky we got you two here now.” Rogers said clasping Thor on the shoulder, “I think we would be a bit out of our depth.”

“I would think so.” Thor agreed.

“I think your sister looks a little green,” Stark commented looking at Sigrun.

“We are about two minutes out from the carrier.” The red-headed woman said.

Sigrun gripped the edge of her seat as she felt the plane begin to shudder as it landed.  As soon as its wheels hit, the huge door at the back was open and dozens of armed men stormed onboard and whisked Loki away quickly.

“Romanoff tells me we have two new arrivals.”  A tall man with an eye-patch became visible has Loki was led away.

“Yes, Thor and his sister.” The now named red-head pointed to them.

“Happy to have you here, I think we can find a use for you.” He smirked. “ I better go make sure our guest is comfortable.” and left them to getting inside.

“I think I have something that you could change into.” Romanoff nudged Sigrun who was frozen on the spot, not sure what function to have to body too. Looking down at her typical Asgardian dress she figured that she could do with blending into the background.

“That would be good.” She murmured and allowed to be lead down various hallways until Sigrun found herself ducking as Romanoff flung black pants and a black top at her—complete with what she assumed was the symbol for their organization. She changed silently, marveling at how anyone could move in such tight clothing and fixed her hair into a simple braid.

By the time the pair had returned to the control room of the craft the others had already assembled around a circular table watching the screen that seemed to be built into it.

"In case it's unclear," She saw Fury move on the screen, "You try to escape, you so much as scratch that glass," The floor underneath Loki's cell opened, she watched as Loki moved to inspect the opening, "Thirty thousand feet straight down." The doors closed again.

Loki chuckled, a sound that made Sigrun's hair stand on end. "It’s an impressive cage. Not built I think, for me."

"For something a lot stronger than you."

"Oh, so I’ve heard. A mindless beast; makes believe he's still a man." Romanoff glanced at a man standing opposite who smirked. "How desperate are you? To call on such creatures for help."

"How desperate am I? You threatened my world with war, you steal a force you can't hope to control and you kill because it’s fun. You have made me very desperate."

"Oh, it burns you to have some so close," Loki mocked, "To have power, unlimited power and for what, a warm light for all mankind to share? And then to be reminded of what real power is."

The screens went black.

"He really grows on you doesn't he?" The man standing opposite said smiling.

"Loki is going to drag this out, so Thor, what's his play?" Rogers asked.

"He has an army called the Chitauri, they are not known to any world, he hopes to bring them here and they will win him the earth."

"An army…from outer space." He then turned to Sigrun. "What do you think we should expect?" Still staring at the blank screen, Sirgun's mind was racing. What was she supposed to think about all this?

"I am not sure what help I can be," She started, "I never knew, or thought Loki could be capable of this. But, with the state of mind he is in, he thinks he can do anything, get everything he wants. That makes him all the more dangerous."

"I don't think we should be focusing on Loki, you can smell the crazy on him. That guy’s head is like a bag of cats." The man standing opposite declared. Sigrun bristled in spite of herself but couldn't help but agree given the situation.

"Take care of what you say, Loki may be beyond reason but he is still of Asgard, and he is my brother," Thor said sternly.

"He's killed eighty people in two days." Romanoff dared Thor to make more excuses.

"He's adopted?" Sigrun chuckled, moving away from the group—Thor made to go with her, but she motioned him to stay.

"Doctor Banner," Fury had returned, speaking, to the man who spoke of Loki, "What do you think we should be focusing on?" Banner looked thoughtful. Sigrun wondered what Loki meant by "mindless beast" when he seemed perfectly normal to her.

"I think we should focus on that stick of his, it seems to be powered by the cube."

"I don't know about that but it seems to work kind of like a hydra weapon," Rodgers said.

Sigrun moved to the windows at the front of the room,  she couldn't stand more talk, talk which had turned to something she wouldn't have a chance in Hel of understanding. White fluffy clouds passed as they lumbered along in the air. What was she doing here? She may have had a chance when it came to the stunt Loki pulled back home, but this was something entirely different--and something she could have never seen him doing.

“I’m sorry if I put you on the spot back there.” Rogers joined her.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be much help.”

“So if you are Thor’s sister that would make you—”

“I was adopted too, Thor has always been like a brother to me but with Loki its…its different.”

Rogers paused for a moment, “You know this can't end well for him.”

“I didn’t think I’d be going through this again.”  She briefly told him what had happened on Asgard—not really knowing why she was confiding in a complete stranger but it felt good to get it off her chest, to tell someone who didn’t know her or life back home.

“It sounds like you did what you could.” He offered her a small smile.

“You must know what it's like—to do whatever you can for someone, until the end of the line,” Sigrun chuckled, “And apparently it doesn’t matter what that line is.”

“Yes, I know what you mean.”

They stood in silence for a while, “ I don’t know how they talked me into coming, I am so out of my depth, I feel like I’ve been run over by a bilgesnipe .”

Steve laughed, “A what?”

“You know, big nasty thing, antlers?” Sigrun made antlers out of her fingers.

“I don’t think we have those.”

“Oh, well, they are disgusting.”

“I have to tell you I am a little out of place here myself.  I’ll make you a deal, you need any help you come find me and we can flounder together.”  He spoke genuinely and Sigrun felt comfortable for the first time.  Steve excused himself but it wasn’t long before Thor joined her.

"I feel responsible for all of this…again.” He said slowly.

“That wasn’t your fault and this most definitely isn’t,” Sigrun spoke firmly.

“Loki is doing this out of anger, anger aimed towards me, how is that not my fault?”

“I don’t think this plan is purely Loki’s.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Think about it Thor—Loki is a master at getting what he wants yes, but raising an army?  How did he even know about the tesseract?  And how did he get his hands on that scepter?”

“You think he is working for someone?” The look on Thor’s face was purely skeptical.

“I think he didn’t get here on his own.”

“I don’t know Sig—”

“Look I know how it sounds…like I’m making excuses for him but I think we should be aware that there may be something bigger than Loki behind this.”

Thor sighed, “And to think when I was younger the prospect of a big war would have had me drooling all over myself.”

"War hasn't started yet." Fury walked up to where they stood. "Do you think either of you could make Loki tell us where the tesseract is?"

"I don't think anyone can make him." Sigrun shook her head, and Fury looked to Thor.

"I do not know, Loki's mind is in a place I have seldom seen in any living man.”

"Giving up this plan would be a weakness and not something he would do; despite anything you could put him too." She knew what he was insinuating…torture—the thought made her stomach churn uncomfortably.

"A lot of guys think that until the pain stops." Fury said wisely.

"What are you asking us to do?" Thor's voice was low.

"I'm asking what are you prepared to do?"

"Loki is your prisoner."

"Then why do I get the feeling he is the only person on this boat that wants to be here?" 

Sigrun and Thor exchanged a long glance and she had to admit that it seemed as though he was right.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sigrun found herself wandering the endless corridors of the vessel when Romanoff caught her off guard by asking a favor.

"Which is?"

"I am going down to speak to Loki, I thought if you observed you would have an idea of what you would be up against."

Sigrun nodded and followed Romanoff down to the cell.

"When we walk in, follow closely and hide as soon as you find a spot."

Sigrun nodded but was at a loss as to what help she was really expected to be.

They quietly crept into the room, Sigrun saw briefly Loki pacing in his cell before she ducked behind a wall.

Natasha took a few more steps and stood still.

A chuckle made Sigrun shiver.

"Not many people could sneak up on me." Loki's velvety voice floated on the air toward her.

"But you figured I'd come," Natasha said.

"After. After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate."

"I wanna know what you've done to Agent Barton."

"I'd say I've expanded his mind."

And once you've won. Once you're king of the mountain. What happens to his mind?"

"Is this love, Agent Romanoff?" Loki asked shocked.

"Love is for children, I owe him a debt." Natasha crossed her arms.

"Tell me." Loki beckoned her, there was a brief pause before Natasha started.

"Before I worked for Shield, I…uh...well, I made a name for myself. I have a very specific skill set. I didn't care who I used it for, or on. I got on Shield's radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me, he made a different call."

Loki considered for a moment, "And what will you do if a promise to spare him?"

"Not let you out," Natasha said firmly.

Loki's laugh rang throughout the room and sent a shiver up Sigrun's spine. "Ah, no. But I like this. Your world in the balance and you bargain for one man?"

"Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that, I'm Russian... or was."

"What is it you want?"

"It's really not that complicated. I've got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out."

"Can you?" Loki asked softly, "Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter?" Sigrun thought she heard Natasha's breath catch. "Sao Paulo? The hospital fire? Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything?" Sigrun heard Loki's footsteps and thought he was walking toward Natasha, his voice growing angrier. "This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer... PATHETIC! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!" Loki slammed his fist against the glass, causing Sigrun to almost jump out of her skin. "

"I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you! Slowly. Intimately. In every way, he knows you fear! And he'll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams, I'll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!" His voice dangerous, dripping with venom. Sigrun heard Natasha move.

"You a monster." She said in a quiet voice, shaky like she was trying to hold back tears.

Loki chuckled, "Oh no, you brought the monster." He said proudly.

"So that's it then?" Natasha's voice sounded stronger than ever.

"What?" Loki was confused.

"Banner? That's your play."

Loki said nothing. Talking into some sort of earpiece Natasha turned to leave the room. Finally at the spot where Sigrun hid she turned.

"Thank you for your cooperation." She said with a smirk and turned to leave.

Sigrun had to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing—out of both amusement and for how Loki’s speech terrified her; she never thought she would see the day when he would be out-witted.  She knew he had to be furious—she also knew now was the best time to reveal herself—maybe she could get more out of him.

She straightened up and hoped that coming face to face with him wouldn’t send her into hysterics and forget why she was here.

“Well, that was certainly amusing.” She said lightly stepping into his line of vision.

And then the world stopped.

 


	23. If It Means A lot To You

_**You know you can't give me what I need** _   
_**And even though you mean so much to me** _   
_**I can wait through everything** _   
**Is this really happening?**   
**I swear I'll never be happy again**   
**And don't you dare say we can just be friends**   
**I'm not some boy that you can sway**   
**We knew it'd happen eventually**

** A Day To Remember- If It Means A lot To You **

* * *

For the first time, Sigrun found herself feeling self-conscious in front of Loki as he took her in. She knew what she looked like, skin pale—almost waxy—her hair was limp and dull (thankfully that was hidden mostly by the braid) and the skin tight cat suit showed just how much weight she had lost. No one mentioned it to her face on Asgard but they knew they talked—she looked sick. Asgardians weren't supposed to be sick, sure a warrior might pick up something during a mission to another realm and look like crap for a few days but their immune systems usually knocked it right out but Sigrun looked like one breath of wind would blow her away and now it was Loki's turn to see the damage.

"I didn't think it was you…on the mountain." He spoke first, his voice gentler than it had been before.

"I got that impression."

"Did Odin expect me to give it all up if he sent you here?"

"I honestly don't know what Odin expected. But he should have known it wouldn't have mattered."

"Sigrun…"

"Why here, Loki? You chose to let go, whether or not you hoped you would have died you could have ended up anywhere and just live quietly but you had to pull this _here_?"

"It's complicated." Loki turned his back on her.

"It's complicated?" She scoffed, "It's not complicated! You just couldn't help yourself, could you? And oh if you got to rub it in my face again all the better!"

"Rub what if your face?"

"The fact that you don't give two shits about me!"

Loki's shoulders stiffened, "Is that what you think?"

"It's obvious!"

He turned and rushed the glass, slamming both fists against it, making Sigrun jump, "I did that for us! All I thought about was you! How I could be better for you if Odin could see it!"

"Hmm, I think I've heard that somewhere before."

"It's true."

"If it is then whats this?"

"Its—"

"No, Loki, it's simple. You couldn't get what you wanted there so you are going to try here, and since it would also hurt Thor the most all the better."

Loki opened his mouth to retort but the metal below their feet trembled violently.

"What did you do now?" Sigrun backed away from the cage and Loki suddenly looked desperate.

"Stay here."

"No." She spat defiantly.

"I can't protect you if you go."

"I don't need your protection."

XXXXXXXXX

Sigrun flew down the corridors, dodging people fleeing in every direction. She thought desperately of Thor and knew she would be safe if she found him. Sounds of fighting were all around her, this wasn't her place. She knew very little of combat and wondered why after what happened when Loki brought the frost giants to Asgard, she hadn't asked Lady Sif for at least basic lessons.

Enraged roars sounded in through the air, Sigrun felt in her gut if she followed them she would find her brother. A few more steps and she found herself smashing into the floor, groaning she pulled herself up and looked around to see what had caused her to fall. A few feet behind her a body lay, riddled with wounds.

_Oh no, no, no, no._

She was frozen, her lungs refused to work. Bile rose in her throat.

Tearing away from the wall she ran, a woman crossed her path as a black, masked figure behind the woman raised his weapon, a pop, and the woman crumpled to the floor, but the bullet continued to fly. A searing pain erupted in Sigrun's arm but she couldn't make a sound as her eyes found the scene behind the man.

Rogers hanging on for dear life from a cable where part of the ship was blown apart while the masked man and two others shot at him. Sigrun wasn't aware of her actions until pushed one of the men out of the ragged hole and out of sight and leaped on the others back—he shot wildly trying to fling her off and shot the other by accident.

Suddenly she was nine years old again, watching Thor and Loki learn how to fight in the training yard watching the generals teach the boys how to do hand to hand and how to break someone's neck. Instinctively Sigrun placed her hands on either side of the man's head and twisted sharply. The vibrations of snapping bone shook Sigrun's arms and she didn't bother catching herself as she and the body fell to the floor.

"Are you okay?" Roger's asked untangling her from the man she had just killed.

"I…I…had too—" She stuttered holding up her arms that were still trembling.

_Loki._

_Rogers dangling by a cable._

_The feel of bone snapping in her hands._

"I know and I'm glad you did, I was not in a good way out there." He held her tightly to his chest. She could feel her anxiety calming. "It's not easy, even if it's the right thing to do."

"Talking from experience?"

"It's an "occupational hazard" or at least my friend Bucky said that when I asked how he felt about it when he joined."

"It's not my occupation." Sigrun started pushing herself away from Rogers but he noticed the gunshot wound to her arm and held her still.

"You need to hunker down somewhere before you lose to much blood."

"I can't, I _need_ to find Thor." Pushing herself away from Rogers she followedthe sounds of smashing drew her down a set of steps into what had to be a storage room. A giant, green monster was in combat with Thor, the latter being tossed about like a toy.

Debris flew everywhere, a sliver of metal sliced into Sigrun's check. She ducked behind a container helpless.

The muffled sound of weapons fire came outside of the window, directed at what Sigrun could only assume was Doctor Banner. The bullets bounced off of him and ricocheted around the room.

"Thor!" Sigrun screamed as he lunged toward her trying to get out of the way, but he ended up landing onto broken glass with a sickening crunch.

Sigrun would wonder later, how she was able to drag Thor out into the corridor.

"Sigrun, you're hurt." He was breathless as he touched the area on her arm where she had been shot.

"Loki, he means for this to be his way out of here."

"No. He will not escape this." He called his hammer to him and ran to his brother, Sigrun only steps behind.

The door of Loki's cell slid open, and he began to step out.

"No!" Thor roared and charged.

"Don't!" Sigrun's warning came too late, as Thor crashed through the shimmering image of his brother and the door closed behind him.

"Are you ever not going to fall for that?" Loki wondered aloud lightly.

"Loki let him out!" He turned; she could feel his eyes settle on the blood now covering her arm and trickling down her face.

"I rather like him there."

Thor slammed his hammer against the glass, cracking it, but jarring the locks holding it in place loose. Loki laughed, "Humans think us immortal." He stepped over to the control panel, "Shall we test that?"

"Move away." The man Thor had spoken to pointed a rather large weapon at Loki, who began to back away.

Sigrun ran to the glass, her fingers splayed against the spider web of cracks, willing them to break completely and let Thor free. The man took more steps forward.

"You like this?" He asked, lifting the weapon slightly, "We've been working on the prototype, ever since you sent the destroyer. Even I don't know what it does." He flipped a switch, the weapon was now functional.

Suddenly, the man's body arched forward, and a glint of gold protruded from his chest. Loki stood behind him, with his golden scepter. Thor's scream etched itself into Sigrun's brain, branding itself into her memory she knew she could never forget.

Sigrun pushed herself from the glass and was at the man's side before he hit the floor and pressed her hands against his wound. Blood seeped warm and thick between her fingers. She was aware of Loki walking around them. Silent sobs racked her body as she tried fruitlessly to stop the bleeding.

"I am so sorry." The sounds didn't make sense, the words garbled between her sobs.

She heard a whirlwind behind her as the floor below the cell opened, a heartbeat later the locks disengaged, and Thor plummeted to the ground below.

The smell of blood made her stomach twist into knots.

"Come on." Loki grabbed her by the arm and wrenched her away from the man.

"No!" She struggled to get back down on the ground and keep her pressure on the wound.

"We need to go."

"You are fucking insane if you think for a second I am going anywhere with you." She spat.

"This place is falling from the damned sky, Sig," He managed to bring her to a standing position. "I will not leave you here."

"I am not going!" She screamed at him and pulled away from him.

"Sigrun…"

"You don't get it do you?"

His face was full of panic; the boat was sinking lower in the air. Reaching out and grabbing her uninjured arm.

"However much you despise me in this moment, " His voice faltered, "I cannot leave you here to fall with the rest of them." His hand slid up her arm and caressed her face. Her body screaming out how much it missed his touch, as the pads of his cool fingertips traced the lines of her features. "Please, Sigrun, whatever you do after I get you out of here, I will never hold against you."

She could feel the familiar surge of magic waking in her cells as she narrowed her eyes, "Don't touch me." Her cells flexed and Loki gasped in pain and immediately let go of her. "Just go, Loki."


	24. Oh Well, Oh Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh well, oh well. I still hope for the best.  
> Say goodbye and send me off with a kiss farewell.  
> And I promise I'll be just as strong as I can be.  
> Maybe you could get some sleep tonight.

 Sigrun watched as Loki’s men ushered him away and he never took his eyes off of her.  Fury and people she only could assume were Midgardian healers eased her away from the man on the floor.  She heard Fury say something to her, his tone sounded reassuring, but nothing made sense in her head.  No one noticed her as she made her way through the many corridors of the ship; she wasn’t sure what she was looking for until she found a quiet room tucked in a corner and went inside, laying down on the small bed against the wall.

“I was wondering where you went.” Steve’s voice floated through her dreams.

“I just wanted to get out of the way.” She sat up, wincing as her arm started to throb.

“I should take a look at that.” Steve gestured to her wound and left the room, returning with a small pack.

“Thanks,” Sigrun mumbled and unzipped the front of her top, revealing the garment Natasha called a "sports-bra".  Steve helped lift her arm out of the sleeve.  Was it weird how warm his hands were?

“That man died.” She spoke matter-of-factly.

“Coulson was a good man,” Steve nodded checking the wound for any fragments of her clothing, “Looks like it went right thru. That’s a good thing.” He caught her eye--she hadn't noticed how blue they were before.

“Thor is gone.”

“I know.”

Sigrun hissed when Steve poured something into the hole in her arm, “I let him go…” She said when the stinging subsided.

 “It was a tough call.” He stuck a small needle a few times in the skin around the wound; she marveled at how fast the numbness spread.

“I could have stopped him, I think, I don’t know really…but I just told him to go.  And now with Thor gone and the ship almost destroyed, he’s won for sure.”

“We don’t know that. There’s still a chance.  We took a hit for sure but we just need to rally.” Steve packed the wound and began wrapping her arm.

After witnessing the massacre on the ship at Loki’s command and actually seeing him kill someone, someone that wasn’t an enemy…nausea threatened to overtake her.  How could she still love him?

“It's hard.” Steve looked at her kindly, almost like he knew what she was thinking. 

“We always thought we were soul mates or something,” she blathered, “But what does that say about me?”

“I think it matters on what  _you_  do. You can’t help the other stuff.”  He gingerly slid her arm back to the sleeve of her top, and zipped the zipper slowly, his hand hesitating just below her chin—the warm pad of his thumb traced her chin for a brief moment.  Sigrun had a wild thought that he wanted to kiss her.

The even crazier thought was she didn’t think she’d mind.


End file.
